Discipline is based on pride, on meticulous attention to details, and on mutual respect and confidence. Discipline must be a habit so ingrained that it is stronger than the excitement of the goal or the fear of failure - Gary Ryan Blair
You’re angry.
You’re extremely upset.
Somebody has done you wrong (or so you think).
Now what?
What happens next is extremely important. One word at the wrong time in the wrong context can mean the difference between a simple apology and dire damage control. I personally have never been good at either. That’s why I don’t stay mad at people or hold grudges long because it’s counterproductive. I seek to lead a fruitful life and detest waste. Being mean and spiteful is a wasted opportunity to show someone forgiveness and to express love one to another as the Creator has mandated us to. He also states in His Word that He wants us to lead fruitful and productive lives. Holding on to pain and anguish caused by the misdeed of another is the easiest way to stunt your “growth” and/ or could cause you to miss out on something truly special.
Now don’t get it twisted… Anger is an emotion. Wikipedia defines Anger as an automatic response to ill treatment. It is the way a person indicates he or she will not tolerate certain types of behavior. It is a feedback mechanism in which an unpleasant stimulus is met with an unpleasant response.You are a human being and you are going to experience anger on a variety of different levels. The key is to not allow the anger, the hurt, or the resentment towards whoever has wronged you or you feel has wronged you consume you. No one is saying don’t get mad…. I’m just saying verify the source of the anger and make the anger work for you. Channel it. Holding grudges and plotting revenge only empowers the person who has hurt you. Then there is the remote chance that the person you are upset with for causing you pain is not even aware of it (Which in my humble opinion is the case most of the time when it comes to male to female interactions). This is where an excellent and open line of communication is essential to maintaining a peaceful coexistance. Nobody knows what’s on your mind unless you tell them (Unless you’re Dionne Warwick, Miss Cleo or a Jedi). I’d be the first to admit that even though I myself am extremely attentive to the needs of those that are around me and especially of the ones I love and care about I get blindsided by the occasional negative reaction to something that I have done or said that was purely innocent with no malicious intent behind it.
Individuals are so emotionally fragile now. I don’t know if it’s because of the state of affairs in the world today which appears to be in a state of degradation and decay. The list of possible reasons is endless: People’s moral standard (or lack thereof), classism, sexism, racism, a departure from tried and true values that have spanned generations, the current state of resources the world over (the Trillion dollar deficit here in the US, the loom of a financial system collapse in Europe, etc), genocide in different regions around the world, the unprecedented number of natural disasters all over the world, the way individuals are raised or some variation of any of the aforementioned factors to name but only a few. Nevertheless, whatever the cause of the fragility may be, we are in my opinion (the humblest of opinions) are in a state of emergency. We have endangered the survival of the moral and virtuous citizen. I only say this because once upon a time you were rarely ever faced with having to choose between your core beliefs and the status quo in order to survive. You were free to live your life the way you wanted live it as long as your indulgences didn’t interfere with the livelihood of your neighbor or fellow man/woman. Now there is no respect of persons or property. People are no longer “staying in their lane”. Lifestyles intersect more now than they have in years because of the ease of direct access to people’s lives. Social Media, Camera and Video Phones, Reality TV shows, Bloggers, Cameras practically on every building or street corner make our lives more accessible than ever before. If you are around my age or older, our parents did not have to worry about a third of the things we as adults and those of you that are parents have to worry about these days. This ease of accessibility to our very livelihood at any given time is yet another source causing us all to be somewhat emotionally on edge.
Now I must admit that I have not always been the most mild mannered and even tempered person. I have had my share of BFFs (Big Fat Fits as my friend Shauna calls them). I have been guilty of reading more into someone’s actions that they even intended for me to. I have taken out anger directed towards someone else on someone unnecessarily. I have said things in anger that I wish I could take back. Unfortunately once you say something it’s out there and if the words are harsh enough no manner of apology or no amount of effort can immediately deescalate the situation. It’s in those instances when time proves to be the best mediator. Emotions have had time to subside and with the sting of the words expressed not as potent, reconciliation and forgiveness is a possibility. However, forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting. Especially if the wound is too deep. Sometimes the only thing that keeps people from being hurt in the same way again is remembering what it felt like when a person that they hold in high regard causes them discomfort or personal pain. And believe you me…. There is no violation in this world worse than a personal one. One that only you understand. One that no amount of pep talks, biblical scriptures or catch phrases will help you overcome immediately. The kind of pain that can only be healed by allowing the pain to run its course and the total forgiveness of the perpetrator. Only then can you move on and go forward with the life you were intended to live. Not one second before. Trust me… I am speaking from experience. No grudge – no matter how serious the violation – is worth you living the rest of your life in a holding pattern of anguish and frustration because of pride. Let it go. Whatever it is. Trust me… the people you’re pissed at have gone on with their lives and probably haven’t even given you a second thought since whatever has you're miffed about occurred. They aren’t wasting their time dwelling on the issue and neither should you. I said in one of my earlier entries that time - not Money - is actually the most valuable commodity an individual has in this life. Money you can earn back, but time once lost is gone forever. Forgiveness is as much for you as it is for the person being forgiven. Forgiveness allows you to move on. To recapture lost time, one of the most precious of things in this universe. Once we all truly learn that the simplest things are truly the most important ones, we will all truly maintain a better quality of life. We will learn to live in harmony with one another and we will truly learn to appreciate one another’s differences. But until then I’m content with trying to live the most productive and fruitful life that I possibly can. Hopefully by doing that, I can improve the next person’s quality of life by either directly or indirectly helping them to see that at the end of all things life is all about choices. That the Creator blessed us all with free will and the ability think for ourselves. To be rational even when there is absolutely no reason to be. I say this because to forgive someone in today’s society is considered to be abnormal in some circles. Revenge is the dish of the day and as the old saying goes it is a dish better served cold. I personally think that’s taking the easy way out. It takes more energy to hate someone than it does to love them. The problem comes in when the person that you show love to gives you nothing but hate in return. By no means are we to be emotional doormats. We are to love people “where they are” because at the end of the day, nobody’s perfect. But you are by no means to jeopardize your livelihood or the livelihood of those you love to try to make peace with someone who absolutely is dead set on going to war with you. You try to appeal to the good in them. If there is none there….. respond accordingly.
With that said, the way that we respond to an offense is dependent upon one’s level of maturity. I personally have reached a point in my life where I can no longer tolerate unnecessary strife. Causing problems for the sake of causing problems or reacting to every little thing someone does to me whether it be accidental or intentional. As you mature (and for the record, maturity is not just about how old you are)certain things become trivial. What used to set me off into the stratosphere when I was 25 doesn’t even register as a blip on my emotional radar now that I’m in my thirties. That’s because as I have gotten older, I better understand and appreciate the consequences to my actions whether they are pleasant or not. For when the dust settles I’m better , stronger and wiser from what has occurred. Now granted this sort of awareness doesn’t come overnight. But ask yourself , where has all that rage and anger gotten you? What exactly do you hope to achieve by sowing seeds of negativity? If you’re truly honest with yourself, the answer will more than likely be nothing good or of any kind of substance.
