Better a diamond with
a flaw than a pebble without – Confucius
I want to begin this entry with some very profound words
that were shared with me by one of the many phenomenal people I have met since
I have relocated to Scottsdale, Arizona:
Always
pray to have the eyes that see the best.
A
heart that forgives the worst
A
mind that forgets the bad &
A
soul that never loses faith in God.
I had never heard anything so simplistic, yet so utterly profound.
I thank God for the people he has surrounded me with and allowed to come into
my life. I thank God for the ones that decided to hang around (I admit I can be
an acquired taste at times). I also thank God for the people He has saw fit to
remove from my circle. Lord knows He had to do it because I probably would
never have disassociated myself from them.
Hence the title of this entry.
Hence the title of this entry.
My fatal flaw….
Now
before I reveal it I want to preface everything by saying that no one on this
planet that we have been blessed to inhabit is perfect. We all make mistakes,
we all at one time or another have done things that if given an opportunity to
revisit whatever that thing may be, may have done things slightly different. However, I would not refer to these feelings
or reflections as regrets but merely growing pains. As we grow…. As we mature
we (well some of us) find a better way to do things. A better way to resolve
conflicts, a better way to speak to people, a better way to handle our everyday
affairs, a better way to exist. This is the nature of that beast called aging.
As we get older we tend to not sweat the small stuff as much. As we get older
we tend to care less about the opinions of others in regards to who we are,
what we do and how we live. As we mature, we tend to not be as judgmental because
if we are truly honest with ourselves we know that at any time the very people
we sought to judge or unfairly label could have been us. Regardless of what you
believe and regardless of your current situation, grace and mercy is the only
reason your situation isn’t worse that it currently is. If you believe as I
believe, you understand from Whom your Grace and Mercy comes from. Now if you
are blessed enough to have never ever made a mistake over the course of your
life and have never done anything you maybe wish you could have done
differently, then just let me be the first to say that you are currently “living
the dream”….. or maybe you’re a pretty self absorbed person. I know plenty of self absorbed people. In my
humble opinion, a person is self absorbed when they think that the entire world
revolves around them and how they think and what they believe is right regardless
of whether or not that belief causes the ones around them discomfort or
distress. They never worry about anyone in their circle until that person's
well being or quality of life effects them albeit directly or indirectly. Yet
they always want you to lend them an ear or “pray for them” when they are
expericing life difficulties. However, it is our duty as civilized human beings
to look out for our neighbor especially those that we profess to love or care
about. Now don’t misconstrue what I am saying, we are not expected to do
anything for anyone solely on the basis of getting something back. The
unfortunate part about self absorbed people is that they have a delusional
sense of entitlement...
Jada Pinkett Smith said it best:
We are not entitled to anyone's love.
We are not entitled to anyone's friendship.
We are not entitled to anyone's professionalism, courtesy,
consideration or admiration.
We are not even entitled to life.
Receive it all in gratitude.
Tomorrow is not promised.
Unfortunately, some people only do for others to receive
something in return. They unfortunately miss the whole point in being
benevolent. You should never feel like you are obligated to do anything for
anyone. If it’s not in your nature to give, then don’t. Be true to yourself.
But understand that the pendulum swings both ways and the Most High as well as the
universe rewards a cheerful giver. Don’t be deceived. There are only two types
of people in this universe – Givers and takers. Our job is to determine exactly
which one we are dealing with and respond accordingly. I say all the time that
Karma is not a respecter of persons. You most definitely get what you give in
this life albeit for better or for worse. I honestly believe the key to
benevolence is maintaining a proper balance with your giving. Don’t share so
much of yourself that you lose the joy of giving. Don’t allow yourself to get
lost in other’s expectations for you. Always remain true to yourself and everything
that is in you. Stand firm in your beliefs regardless of the circumstances and
the opinions of others.
Unfortunately this world we live in does not respect “the
real” anymore. I mean everywhere you turn people are always talking about “keeping
it 100” or keeping it real when in all actuality some folks wouldn’t know how to
be honest or behave with integrity if their life was on the line. Most
people today if given the option to tell the hard truth or a soft lie would choose
the latter every time. The reasons why are unimportant. Honesty is truly the
best policy. It cuts down on people making the wrong assumptions about people
or a situation, it allows people to manage expectations, it allows people to
have the proper perspective on any given situation or individual and first and
foremost for those of you that believe as I believe it’s just what is expected
of us by the Most High:
And
ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free –John 8:32
People
base their “reality” now on their perception of what’s real. Which is not an
issue as long as your perception of the facts that add up to your equation for
what equals reality is an objective one. The unfortunate thing about many
people’s reality is that they either base it on what someone has told them
or on a flawed perspective of what is really going on around them. Many people in today’s society have linear
vision on a variety of topics…. Race, Economics, Religion, Spirituality, Love,
Friendship, Relationships ... I mean the list of topics I could add here is
virtually endless. Society is short of free thinking individuals these days. This
in the grand scheme of things is extremely disheartening considering the
virtually endless sources of information available to people nowadays. Gone are
the days of walking to the library to feed your thirst for knowledge (Yeah I’m
dating myself….oh well). You can pretty
much locate information on any topic by using any number of search engines on
the World Wide Web. Yet so many of individuals are satisfied with just
accepting what mainstream media and their immediate circle of associates tell
them. Even adopting their friends and family’s views as their own without even
validating the accuracy of the information for themselves. Now let me also say
that having a lot of knowledge does not make one wise. We have a lot of
educated fools running around today as well. People that are extremely
intelligent on a number of levels yet have little to no common sense.
My
Fatal Flaw is that I have a very simplistic view of life. I try to always see
the best in people even when they don’t give me much incentive or reason to. At
times to my detriment. This probably explains why there are times when God
simply removes certain people from my life and out of my circle of associates.
I believe in order to live a peaceful and productive life, one only has to have
(aside from the obvious spiritual connection to a deity whoever or whatever
that may represent for you) three things present in it:
Order = Structure
Symmetry = balance
Function = Purpose
If
you believe as I believe, then you understand that God doesn’t bless mess. He
favors structure and organization over dysfunction and chaos. I think that I
try to maintain a simplistic view of life because we as human beings have a
tendency to over think things. I think it’s just in our nature at times to make
more of a situation than it actually is. As I have gotten older, I realize that
“sweating the small stuff” is counterproductive. As I have I matured, I now
understand the importance of the transference of spiritual energy. Simply
stated, I understand the importance of turning negative energy to positive
energy in order to maintain one’s sanity. People will drive you freaking crazy if you allow them to. Over the course of my life I have learned how important
it is to “learn the lesson”. To quickly lay to rest toxic relationships and to promptly
exit destructive cycles of behavior. That life is comprised of seasons and once
a particular season has passed to let it go. That we were created to be unique,
not follow the crowd. That we have been blessed with free will and that we have
the right to live life on our terms as long as our quality of life does not
impose on someone else’s. Yeah some of
you may read this and say that I am delusional… and that’s your God given right
to think so. However, I believe in being straightforward and honest. What you
see is most definitely what you get. There are no shades of gray with me. For
some…that might be too much to handle. True honesty and sincerity sometimes
scares the hell out of folks. Others it offends. Here’s the thing though…. All
I can control is how I treat you. I have absolutely no control over how you’ll
respond. Nor do I want to control it. You were blessed with the ability
to behave however you choose to. However, so was I. That being said, my
simplistic view of life is mine and mine alone. For better or for worse. I won’t
ever try to change anyone’s view of anything. I may offer some advice or offer
a varying opinion on a topic if I view the situation or circumstance
differently, but I will never try to change anyone’s opinion on anything. That’s
a losing battle. For people don’t change until they are ready to. For some…. That
day never comes and in my humble opinion that’s perfectly ok. That’s their
right.
Yes
…my fatal flaw is occasional naivety. A childlike view of life. But you know
true beauty comes from embracing one’s flaws. I have learned to embrace mine. Not
saying that I always have. There have been times when I have allowed situations
and circumstances make me adjust my mindset only to discover later on that my
mindset wasn’t the one that needed adjustment. I have learned to commune with and
entertain my “inner child”. I developed my simplistic view of life while
mentoring inner city youth and serving as a youth counselor in a variety of
different programs. You see I am an observer. I feel that a basic component of
learning is observation. You want to know the truth about an individual,
situation or circumstance? Sit back, observe and don’t say a word. The key is
being willing to accept what you see. To me…that’s the hardest part. But anyway……
Kids kind of got this life thing figured out. Kids either like you or they don’t.
They don’t pretend to like people to spare their feelings. They say exactly
what’s on their mind. They make no excuses for how they feel. They just “do
them” and to hell with what anybody else thinks about it. It’s when they get
older and have to assimilate into the rules (both spoken and unspoken) of today’s
society where they tend to start losing their individualism if their upbringing
doesn’t support their free spirited nature. I personally think that we could all take a page
from the book of a child.
I
refer to my simplistic view of life as my fatal flaw because it has been the
source of a lot of pain for me over the years and probably will be until the
day I die. Mostly because I just don’t feel the need to change for the sake of
others. That belief has resulted in a lot of sleepless nights. That belief has
resulted in a lot of disappointments because I chose to see the best in someone
who had absolutely no endearing qualities in them whatsoever. I knew the relationship was toxic from the
beginning but that occasional naivety kicked in and I honestly believed that
the person was trustworthy when clearly they were not. Am I gullible? No. Do I
believe that people are innocent until proven guilty? Yes. I kind of view
relationships as a work of art. See artists put their heart and soul into their
work. Sort of like we are supposed to truly put our heart and soul into
relationships. Well at least I do anyway. You see, everyone gets a blank canvas
with me. I provide the paint and all the tools you need to paint the picture of
how you would like me to see you going into the relationship (Amorous, Platonic
or otherwise). I allow you to control the brush strokes. To create the picture
that you truly want me to see. Then guess what….once you complete the painting,
I interact with you based on the picture you present to me. The problem is that
most of the time people don’t really know what to put on the canvas so they
paint the picture they think that you want to see instead of just being true to
what’s inside of them. Hence my dilemma. I have been presented with some faux
masterpieces in my time and anybody that knows anything about art knows that
there are some pretty damn convincing replicas of some classical masterpieces
in circulation today.
Nevertheless,
I am thankful for my imperfections. I acknowledge and embrace them because at
the end of the day they are a part of who I am. I say that to say that only God
can judge you. People’s opinion change like the wind. They hate you today and
love you tomorrow and vice versa. Just ask Lebron James. The man is an international
icon now but just three years ago he was one of the most hated men in the NBA
(after Commissioner David Stern of course…I think that cat will have the
number one spot for ever). Love yourself unconditionally. So when the naysayers
and the negativity comes, you won’t focus on it or entertain it. Life is too
short to waste one second worrying about how people feel about you or think of
how you live your life. Most of the time the people who try to criticize you
for the way you live your life secretly wish they had your life anyway. Avoid
negative and messy people like the plague. Never take for granted that misery
loves company. Trust me I have dealt with my share of miserable messy people.
We all have. The key is to make those interactions as brief as humanly possible.
Live your life and live it to the fullest regardless of what anyone else thinks
about how you live it. Only you truly know what’s best for you. Last but
certainly not least, the most important thing to remember is to trust your
Creator and trust yourself. Faith can truly move mountains and be not deceived….
Faith is all about trust. Trusting when you can't trace the outcome. Trusting
that a flaw to one maybe an asset to another. Knowing that you have truly found
peace when you can honestly love yourself…
Flaws and all....
