The War Within Redux (The war rages on) ©

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win – Sun Tzu

A status report from the frontlines from the desk of 41 year vet Staff Sergeant JT Morris II (333 Regiment – Armor Bearer Corps)

Ten – hut!!

At ease….

Dearest Brothers and Sisters-at-Arms,

I want to first thank you for your vigilant efforts to keep the forces of evil at bay. The enemy is busy attempting to destroy everything in its path and their forces are tenacious, their methods devious and unscrupulous. There have been innumerable battles waged and still countless more to come. But know that your courage and strength in the face of the enemy’s relentless attacks has not gone unnoticed and is certainly not unappreciated. I know firsthand what it means to step onto the field of battle with the odds completely stacked against you. I know the anxiety of girding yourself for war not knowing whether or not you will even return from the field of battle yet having to muster the courage to make the ultimate sacrifice if necessary. I know what it’s like to find yourself separated from your comrades having to take on the enemy with nothing more than a promise that no weapon formed against you shall prosper and the tenacity to see the battle to its ultimate conclusion (Even if its ultimate conclusion means my demise).  For as with all true soldiers it’s not the fear of death that consumes us, it’s the fear of not having given our all on the field of battle in pursuit of victory if the cause is virtuous enough.

My fellow Soldiers of Light …. stay encouraged!

Many an intended death blow has been landed, yet here you remain. Battered, broken and scarred at times beyond recognition. Yet here you remain….immovable.  The enemy keeps making a serious mistake with you which ultimately will be their undoing….. they keep leaving you alive to fight another day. They constantly underestimate your survivability and resolve. Ain’t  no quit in you and this absolutely baffles  your attackers. You survived their attack and now you are wiser, stronger and more determined than ever to see the enemy conquered. Now understand that we will not always be aware of  how close we may be to victory or defeat. There will be times when all seems lost and hope may begin to fade. The important thing to always remember at times like this is that the battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s. He will not suffer you to be defeated. You may lose a battle or two….or twenty …. but remain encouraged for you are promised to win the war if you stand fast on the promises of the One that will supply you with everything you will ever need to be victorious.

Now there will be those in our ranks that secretly have aligned themselves with the enemy and will seek to destroy us from within. For as the word of God so clearly and eloquently states:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places – Ephesians 6:12

The key here is to recognize the enemy when you see them. Use the God given discernment that you have been graced with and accept them for who they are –Those that wish to disgrace and ultimately destroy the Kingdom of the Most High and every single thing associated with it. Enemies of the State. One doesn’t have to get a passport stamp or watch CNN to see a terrorist. They reside right here among us. I observe them every single solitary day. Preying on the destitute, slandering those that be of upright conversation, the gossipers, those that seek to destroy the promise of undiscovered greatness in those that they see around them. The unfortunate thing is that those that have found their way into our ranks are not as easily recognizable as they once were. Unfortunately, so many in our ranks have begun to allow the enemy to use them causing more chaos and confusion than the enemy ever could on their best day.  Ours is a society that relishes in the exigent circumstance. Short version…..an Exigent Circumstance is a Circumstance that for all intents and purposes “requires” an immediate response. The term is typically used by law enforcement to justify circumventing certain laws and policies but it can easily be applied to society’s mindset as a whole. Individuals today are twice as fast to respond as they are to listen which is the total opposite of what the Creator intended. After all, the majority of the individuals that I have encountered in this life all had one mouth and two ears. Meaning that the Most High wanted want us to listen more than we speak. Actively listen to what is being said. Try within all your ability to comprehend what is said to you or around you. Sadly, individuals today listen to respond instead of actively listening to understand what a person is saying to them. This unfortunately has sparked a many an unnecessary dispute and unnecessarily sows seed of strife in soil that has been designated to bear bountiful fruit completely ruining future harvests. Every spiteful action taken or unfavorable word spoken against you does not require a response. Sometimes the best response to those pessimistic or cynical individuals that you find within your ranks is no response at all. Now no one is saying  that this will be easy or to be anyone’s emotional doormat. I mean come on. Honestly.. the easiest thing to do is to respond in kind, especially if the offense is personal enough. However, as one matures the “big picture” becomes more important immediate personal gratification. The hand that you bite today may have to feed your children tomorrow. The person you unnecessarily tormented may eventually hold the key to your survival. Karma is not a respecter of persons and the Homo Sapiens’s statute of limitations on Mercy has the most stringent of time constraints. Notice I said human being’s capacity for mercy. God’s mercies are renewed daily and were it not for His graciousness, a lot of us would have been lost long ago. I personally have been the beneficiary of the Most High’s mercy more times than I can or even care to count. Which is why I no longer take His or anyone’s ability to forgive for granted and try to be more of a compassionate individual myself (Sometimes to a fault).

But I digress…

It’s amazing how a manuscript a couple of millennia old can speak so specifically to the state of affairs in today’s society. Ephesians 6:12 describes in absolute detail the all out assault that has been launched by the enemy to control your actions through sectors of our world’s government and unfortunately we have begun to freely relinquish a great many of the rights many of our Ancestors sweated, bled and died for. Cameras everywhere practically monitoring your every move, Population Control to limit and sometimes stop procreation, an assault on true freedom of speech (being vocal or sharing your beliefs may cost you your life or livelihood depending on where you live), Classism, Racism (Alive and well… don’t get it twisted) are but a few examples of how the world’s government are subtly (or not so subtly depending in what region of the world you reside) suppressing the masses’ ability to live freely and bountifully.

To my reluctant warriors out there, be not dismayed or guilt ridden in fighting the good fight for the word says that there is a time and place for everything (Eccl 3 chapter) and that there is absolutely nothing new under the sun ( Eccl 1:9). Trust and believe that at some point that someone, somewhere is fighting the same sort of battle that you find yourself in the midst of. Yet while the circumstances are similar your tactics and strategy are not. You were made an original, therefore your response to what happens to you is yours and yours alone. Make sure that it is in line with who you are and Whose you are.

To my prayer warriors out there, keep sending them up. We need those prayers now more than ever. Society as a whole is in absolute disarray. Up is down, left is right. Time tested roles and old fashioned values have taken a back seat to what’s flavor of the week….sorry of the day (Most people’s attention span nowadays lasts about…… huh? What were you saying?).

Turn down for what? How about because some of you should be freakin’ exhausted from doing waaaaayy too much. Some of you need to sit the hell down and act your age. As a matter of fact, have SEVERAL seats…... Immediately without hesitation. I’m getting tired just watching you. Just sayin’….. 

To my prayer warriors, pray for peace. The world we live in today needs you on your knees, on your face, in your closet, basically wherever your ‘quiet place” may happen to be. Lift us up and keep us lifted because please believe that the enemy is working double overtime to silence you. I’m reminded of my namesake in the Word of the Most High:

Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much – James 5:16

The word that stands out in that passage is “healed”. So many people today are simply looking for redemption. Society is so full of broken and guilt ridden individuals. Being born and raised in the “Bible Belt”, I witnessed firsthand people getting beat over the head with the Word for their transgressions by some the same people I just happened to be elbow to elbow with at “spot” just a few hours earlier two steppin’. Now don’t get it twisted or misconstrue what I’m saying, hypocrisy is everywhere. There is not one institution on the planet that doesn’t have its share of it. However, I for one don’t stand for it simply because there are no perfect people on this planet. We have all done our share of dirt and have had a fall (or two) from grace. That beingsaid, make it a point to show compassion wherever and whenever you can. Never underestimate the power of prayer. It truly changes things. It most certainly moves mountains….

So in closing, I leave you with one last word of encouragement and motivation from the Book of Ecclesiastes:

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all - Ecclesiastes 9:11

That’s it for my report from the front.

Know that the war rages on and that I’m in the trenches shoulder to shoulder with you. Don’t be disillusioned, war truly is hell. There’s no two ways about it. There will be casualties. There will be loss (sometimes extreme). The thing about warfare is that it tends to bring out the absolute best and/or the absolute worst in an individual. It either makes one strong or breaks them down to the point that they are unrecognizable to anyone that knows or loves them. It usually does come down to survival of the fittest…. but not in the way that you may think. You can have the fittest body in the world, knock out a 15 mile march with the best of them or hit a target at 1000 yards with the greatest of ease. But ask any soldier where it all starts and they will probably tell you that it begins in one place….. your mind. If the body is fit but the mind is broken, you are and never will be any good to anyone….not even yourself. The body cannot live without the mind. That being said, before you enter any battle or step onto any battlefield …. still your mind….focus on your objective….formulate a plan …. and do everything in your power to execute that plan with precision and absolute decisiveness. 

Sometimes you only get one shot at your target on the battlefield of life.....

Make it count.

True change: The Price of indifference (What’s Love got to do with it?) ©

Romans 8:37

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Now you may be asking, what’s up with the title? 

For those of you that truly know me the topic choice seems really strange and I admit it is a little outside of my normal “cool and calm” demeanor. I rarely let things rattle me to the point of indifference. But lately I have had some things happen that have forced me to alter my perspective on things somewhat. “What is the cause of my indifference” you may ask (then again you might not … but I’m gonna tell you anyway). The source of my indifference is plain and simple. Frankly, Ya boy is just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of partisan politics, tired of high gas prices, tired of loved ones coming back in body bags, tired of mudslinging politicians and simple minded pundits, tired of people’s lack of respect for one another, tired placing my trust in people only to be disappointed, tired of being a giver in a world full of takers, and unfortunately my list goes on and on.

Yes, tired of being a giver in a world full of takers. I felt like that warranted repeating. You see there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Unfortunately until you determine which one you are, you are not a damn bit of good to anyone…. Not even yourself. Now I know plenty of people who profess to be givers, yet all they do is take. Regrettably, takers are just takers and you definitely know one when you see one (Then again, sometimes you don’t). Honest self reflection is the only way we can determine your heart’s condition. Do you have the heart of a giver (which would make you an individual after God’s own heart) or is yours that of a taker (Basically meaning, that all you do is think about yourself never truly taking the feelings and concerns of other’s under consideration and when you do….. it is only because you stand to gain something from it)?

I personally have the heart of a giver. I am sometimes selfless to a fault. I will be the first to admit that. I know that I sometimes overextend myself for the ones that I love. But in all honesty, if I can’t love you unconditionally then how can I truthfully say that I love you. Unfortunately, I can’t. People use the word Love far too loosely these days. Please by all means, don’t say it if you don’t truly mean it. Words have power and the word Love carries an enormous amount of power and influence all by itself.

I’ll give you a few examples of what I mean:

Love will make you do things that you swore to yourself that you would never do. Love will make you put yourself in harm’s way for the ones you love. Love will make you look beyond the one you love’s faults and shortcomings (Mainly because we ourselves are not perfect), Love will make you give your last (insert here) to insure that the one you love never suffers any pain or discomfort. Love can either cause many a sleepless night or grant you some of the soundest sleep you have ever had in your life. True love makes you do all of these things and more without reservation or precondition……

…Or at least it should anyway.

Nevertheless, there are far too many people in today’s society professing to love people without a clear understanding of what it truly takes to love someone. Love is only complicated because we choose to make it so. Treat the one you profess to love the way you would like to be treated and I guarantee you that what you have will work. I am a living witness to that. Love is more than just lip service. In this writer’s humble opinion, love is 90% action and 10% verbalization. You will NEVER have to tell me you love me if I can honestly see and feel that you love me in your actions towards me and by the way you treat me. Don’t just tell me you love me R.A.C.E. with me (When you get a moment, revisit my earlier entry “A Lesson in R.A.C.E. relations”).

Hence my indifference. My indifference stems from those takers in my life. Those individuals that are only around as long as they are getting what they want and need regardless of what “It” happens to be.

You know who you are and just in case you don’t…well let me call the roll:

My family (Not all of you but you know who you are), my exes (Not all of you but you know who you are), and my fair-weather friends (you definitely know who you are), and last but certainly not least my……ummm never mind. God has TRULY brought me a mighty long way is all I can say and he ain’t…yeah I said ain’t ….done with me yet. I am not perfect by any means and am most definitely still a work in progress.

But I digress…..

The wonderful thing about God’s Grace is that allows for us to be indifferent. However, it doesn’t and will not allow us to remain that way. Honestly, five years ago I could not have written this entry without naming names and saying some pretty foul things. However, when you know who you are and Whose you are…… When you know from whence your help truly comes…..it allows you to show objectivity, even amidst feelings of indifference…. And for that I can only give thanks to the Most High. Which reiterates the point I made earlier about loss not always being a bad thing. Sometimes in order to build something of substance you have to break ground, in order to lay the proper foundation. That has been the story of my life. Loss can eventually lead to gain. It’s all in your perspective.

The Price of indifference is only as expensive as you allow it to be. As for me, I am an Emotional Cheapskate. I am unwilling to spend enormous amounts of time, energy or anything else for that matter mulling over the regretful decisions of my past. Life is way too short and too full of promise. And for those of you that may be experiencing some form of disappointment and disenchantment right now, please don’t waste precious time dwelling on it. Press on. Mainly because ….and those of you that believe as I do may agree….  When God closes or allows a door to close, it’s only because he plans on opening another door allowing you access to what is truly meant for you. Oh, and don’t fret the door that an individual closes on you. God will open a window to get a blessing to you and that in itself is truly something to be happy and hopeful about. Simply because, the last time I checked…. there were more windows in a crib than there were doors.

Opportunities abound. It’s up to you to take advantage of them when they present themselves. However, please make sure to never cease an opportunity at the expense of someone else’s mental, emotional, or physical stability and well-being. The livelihood you save may be your own.

What’s love got to do with it?

Everything. Nothing. It basically depends on your heart’s condition. However, ask yourself this question and please be brutally honest with yourself:

Am I a Giver or am I a Taker?

Your answer to the question will pretty much determine quality of life. For some – if you’re truly honest with yourself - the answer may just surprise you.

Substance ©

Beware that you do not lose the substance grasping at the shadow.

Aesop

While doing my due diligence for this entry I discovered that there are (as with most things) various schools of thought on the substance of something. The Encyclopedia Britannica Online has at least thirteen ranging from Artistotelianism to Islamic Philosophy with the former having Substance as one of its key components while the latter boasts of the relation between corporeal things, which are changeable, in constant flux, infinite, and as such unknowable, on the one hand, and the permanent world of forms (spiritual or secondary substances), which are not subject to flux yet to which human beings have no access except through things of the senses. The latter making a hell of a lot of sense due to the fact that whenever one looks at that region of the world that at some point or another, things are in a constant state of change. There never seems to ever be a sense of stability there….

But I digress…

For the purposes of today’s entry, the sort of substance to which I refer deals with one’s moral fiber. Dictionary.com defines Moral Fiber as the strength of one’s character or firmness of purpose. One’s character is basically one’s distinctive mental and moral quality. Your character defines your belief system. One’s belief system defines one’s actions. One’s actions define their environment. One’s environment is - for better or for worse - the sum total of their life choices and decisions. One’s life choices and decisions in essence determine their quality of life. The culmination of all of the aforementioned things inevitably becomes the substance of an individual’s very existence.

Any relationship worth its salt has a level of depth to it that makes all parties in the relationship so secure within it that they never have to question its purpose or have any doubt that the effort being put forth to sustain it is worth it. The level of depth to which I refer is sometimes referred to as the relationship’s substance. Now don’t misunderstand my previous statement, every relationship comes to a crossroad. A point in the relationship where you question the level of your involvement, the amount of time of invested, and if you are truly honest with yourself….. the value of the return you have received on your investment. It is at this crossroad where you are faced with making a choice (Because after all, life is all about choices). The choice to press on or cut your losses and quit while you are ahead. Your decision is usually based on the level of your emotional investment. If you truly care about what or who you have completely “sold out” for, then with that comes a tremendous amount of separation anxiety. No one likes loss. I mean seriously….who signs up to lose something. Life in one way or another has taught us that loss is a bad thing when in all actuality it sometimes is the best thing that could ever happen to us. As a matter of fact, experience has taught me that sometimes we cause ourselves the most pain trying to hold on to something God wants us to let go of. Loss to this writer is synonymous with change. For how in the world can you make room for anything new if you continue to hold onto old things or live in the past. Hoarders in my opinion are those individuals who fear change, with Emotional Hoarders being the worst kind. Even me (as progressive minded as I claim to be) have had moments where I have allowed anxiety to momentarily effect my situational discernment. Where the thought of losing someone or something kept me from making the absolute best decision for me given the situation. The true litmus test in this author’s opinion of whether or not the relationship your are in has any substance is if you take away everything that you love about the person, place or thing, the way you feel about said person, place or thing doesn’t change. For it is what a relationship or connection is made up of that sustains it.

As for me, given the choice between aesthetic appearance and actual functionality… I’ll take actual functionality every time. Quality over quantity. Still confused? Ok. Let’s see I can make things somewhat clearer for you….

Give me a Porsche Cayenne over a Porsche Boxer. Give me a beautiful woman that can speak intelligently over a beautiful woman that can’t read or comprehend simple life basics. Give me a strong, functional, “real” relationship with someone over one that appears to be awesome but is highly dysfunctional. Unfortunately, individuals in today’s society get caught up on “optics”. Sadly people would rather look like they are doing something as opposed to actually doing something. I.e... Some people would rather look happy than be happy. Some individuals want all of the trappings of success without investing any sweat equity to reach their goals and dreams. Many in today’s society will date a beautiful person with a horrible spirit as opposed to in their opinion “settling” for someone not as attractive with a heart of gold.

The unfortunate state of today’s relationships is a clear indicator that society needs a complete overhaul on its belief system and priorities.  It seems that today’s relationships and connections base their substance on the tangible rather than the intangible. In my humble opinion there are several factors that currently and that may have possibly contributed to this:

• An Increase in individuals lacking any sort of spiritual connection
• The single parent home structure
• Gender Role reversal (More female head of households)
• The increased popularity of Social Media
• Lack of Societal Accountability
• The increase in the popularity of “Reality” Television
• Sensationalist Media Outlets
• The absence of true community leaders

Should I go on?

I mean I could….

All of the aforementioned factors seem to have contributed to the critical state our communities have found themselves in. 

More serial killings, increased Police Brutality, astronomical homicide rates in many of our Major Cities (hang in there Chitown… The dawn is coming), blatant disrespect of persons by today’s youth, decreased church attendance nationwide, an decline in literacy rates, mismanagement of Natural Resources, abuse of power by those in power… I mean the list goes on and on. Regrettably, due to the fact that so many in today’s society in one way or another have bought into the fact that relationships are better when they are superficial , standard human interaction has become far more complicated than the Creator ever intended it to be. Regrettably, because so many of our critical relationships and connections lack depth, they are easily disposable. Gone are the days when people were truly invested in the well being of their fellow man/ woman. The Golden Rule has almost gone the way of the Dodo. “What’s in it for me” seems to be the theme of the day. Narcissism has replaced Selflessness. Due to this shift in society’s psyche, relationships are more about instant gratification than about “the long haul”. Hence the lack of actual character depth.

The result: Shallow principles when dealing with one another on the part of some and dysfunctional relationships. Show me a relationship or connection that lacks substance and I’ll show you chaos, turmoil and disorder.

But fret not. The solution is easier than you may think.

Ready?

Here it is….

Slow down ….and Listen. 

The Most High gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.

 It’s pretty much that simple.

People in today’s society are in such a hurry to get absolutely nowhere. I see it every day. On my morning commute, at my local Starbucks, in the park while people watching or in line waiting to be serviced in some capacity. (Which for the life of me I will never understand…. I mean you did see the line when you walked up, right?).

There is one undeniable truth in this life. You can’t change or control people. All you can do is control how you react to people or circumstances. So instead of flipping off the cat that cut you off in traffic, just wink at ‘em when you pull up next to them at the next stop light. Instead of rushing your significant other when they are getting ready for that date, tell them how beautiful/ handsome they look when they finally appear in the doorway. Instead of rushing to leave work, take the time to decompress so that you don’t take that tension home and negatively affect your home life. Before you rush respond to a supposed “offense”, process the statement. Is it worth responding? Is the response even necessary? Will this change your life? Will this even matter in 15 minutes?  If the answer to any of these questions is no, take a deep breath and smile and remain silent knowing that sometimes silence speaks volumes and a soft word (or no words) turns away unnecessary strife and unwarranted wrath. So many individuals in today’s society listen to respond instead of actually taking the time to listen to understand. It’s not always imperative to be right. Sometimes maintaining a harmonious relationship or connection is more important than being right. Now please understand that one is not to swallow their pride to the point that they choke on it. 

Two of the most important components of healthy, successful and harmonious relationships or interactions of any kind are compassion and compromise. Both allow all parties involved to adequately express what’s important to them and to agree to disagree if both parties can’t see eye to eye on the subject. However, due to the fact that there are only two types of people in this world – givers and takers – the latter typically always dominate any situation as long as they are allowed to. Takers are parasites that suck the life out of every situation they are connected to and just like every parasite once they have drained their host, they move on to the next. Unfortunately, leaving substantial collateral damage in their wake…. Broken hearts, shattered dreams, dysfunctional homes, unrealized potential and the like. That’s why it is imperative to understand exactly who or what you are dealing with… and respond accordingly.

So in closing in this writer’s humble opinion, substance as it relates to the human condition basically means that what you have aligned yourself with is actually rooted in something of significance. The key to determining if that is in fact the case with your current situation is to be totally honest with yourself about the purpose it serves in relation to the direction your life is currently headed. Truth is …. Successful people understand that as you move further and further into your purpose and closer towards your goals, your circle will get smaller. Those who remain usually are there to embolden you, encourage you, motivate you, ground you and provide the necessary substance you need to carry on when everything around you is telling you to give up. Substance is the thing that makes “it” all worth it (whatever “it” represents for you). 

The substances that a relationship or connection is rooted in makes an individual believe that this too shall pass. The one thing that I humbly ask is that whatever that substance may be, make sure that it is not rooted in something temporal. Ensure that whatever that substance may be, that it will be there long after the excitement, enthusiasm and the “newness” has worn off. Make sure that whatever that substance is, that it is something that will empower you and not something that serves to hinder your progress. Think as logically as you can regardless of how emotionally attached you may have become in the relationship or to the connection that you have established. When evaluating the substance in which your current condition is firmly rooted, think objectively. For as with building anything, the stronger and more solid the foundation the longer the structure will stand. Now granted nothing lasts forever. Friends come and go. Love fades. People age. You are born to die. However, the one constant is that we can choose the quality of each condition:

 Friends want to leave? Let them.

Love has faded? Keep your heart open to receive love. The love you seek is out there, you just have to keep your heart open and make yourself available to receive it.

You are not as young as you used to be? Remember that age ain’t (yeah I said ain’t) nothing but a number and that it’s not the number of years that you live, but the quality of the life led during them.

And yes….

We are all born to die (Unless you are a vampire). So make sure that you live life as the Creator intended…on purpose and with the most positive and optimistic outlook possible. Live your life…Never let your life live you. It’s never too late. Never let anyone fill your head with that nonsense. There is no effective or expiration date on a fruitful and fervent life.

So…

Get busy living or get busy dying. Oh yeah and by the way… don’t worry about that last part, sooner or later we all take that trip. However, in the meantime indulge yourself in all that life has to offer. Fully participate in the process…. For better or for worse. For if your life is properly grounded with the proper foundation and the substance of your foundation is sound, you will experience life just as the Creator intended…

Wholly and serenely.

Who am I? ©

After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life - Sophia Loren

As I go through this life there is one irrefutable fact to living, you will disappoint others and you will be disappointed. It’s the nature of the beast called life. There are no perfect people in this world. We have all made our share of mistakes. That’s because you are a human being. Imperfect, unpolished, fallible and ever evolving. If we had all of the answers as human beings, the world in which we currently reside would certainly be a much better place. However, as we all know…the world and the individuals we meet on a daily basis are far from perfect and anyone who attempts to convince you otherwise should be avoided like the plague. I personally try to separate myself as far as I possibly can from the delusional and narcissistic tendencies of people…. Even if that means separating myself from the people themselves.

I have spent so many years of my life emotionally investing myself into individuals without truly taking into account the things that I need in order for me to be emotionally fulfilled. Putting other’s emotional needs and desires ahead of my own sometimes to the spoiling of my own soul. As a child of the Most High, I am to love others unconditionally whether that love is erotic, platonic, familial, or fraternal. As a child of the most high I am to live my life in a manner that uplifts and encourages the ones around me to live their lives in a manner pleasing to no one other their creator and themselves. For at the end of all things, the only love that truly matters is the love that you and your Creator share and the love that you have for yourself. Nothing and no one should ever come between either. Over the course of my life, my love for God has grown deeper and now supersedes everything. My love for myself (while it is strong) not so much. I have allowed myself to love others more than I love myself at times. I have allowed myself to become so emotionally invested into others that sometimes I emotionally neglect myself. I guess it’s just the selflessness of my nature. For you see, the Son of God selflessly sacrificed his life so that ALL of our sin debt could be paid in full. Now whether you believe as I do is irrelevant. Christ died for us all. HE died so that you would have the right to believe as you wish. HE died so that you would have the right to choose whether or not to believe that HE ever existed or whether or not HIS Father does exist. HE forgave those that wrongly accused him for crimes HE didn’t commit and called for HIS death. The same individuals that praised HIM and welcomed HIS arrival. He sacrificed HIS life so that those that denied him could eventually repent of their sins and accept HIM for what and who HE truly is. HIS act of selflessness transcends time and space. The ultimate example of unconditional love. An example we should all try to emulate.

But I digress….

Self Discovery is tantamount to a joyous and productive life. Without it you will trudge through this life being what everybody wants or needs you to be. Without it you could spend your life living to meet the unreasonable expectations of others. That is not living. That is not even existing. Most importantly, that is most certainly not the way the Most High ever intended for any of us to live our lives. Allow someone to define your world and they will more than likely keep you from meeting your full potential. It is not our right to judge individuals for being imperfect. It is not our responsibility to hold individuals to a standard that prevents the individual from being themselves. Our lives are ours to control. Our lives are ours to live exactly as we see fit. The beautiful thing about free will is that at anytime we are free to do what is best for us if a particular situation isn’t to our liking. The beautiful thing about living a life free of preconceived notions and unreasonable expectations of others is that when someone makes what they believe is a rational and conscious decision that’s best for them…. You have the ability to allow them to without taking it personally. However, it is always best to remember that that is a double edged sword. Life is all about choices and no one can ever fault you or judge you for making a choice that you feel is best for you and the quality of your life.

Now please understand that sometimes the choices that you make will not make you the most popular person. Sometimes the decisions you make that are for your best interest will force you to travel the road less traveled. Sometimes making choices that are in your best interest will force you to have to walk alone. Well I’m here to tell you that sometimes Solitude is a great thing. I’m kind of biased though for you see I grew up as an only child. So I had plenty of time to myself. That being said, being alone is not a bad thing to me. In all actuality I believe being alone is never a bad thing as long as you use the time to improve yourself. In my humble opinion, we should always be ever evolving. Working towards being a better you. That at times means that you will have to stand firm on what you believe and go against the grain. You must also understand that when doing what you believe is best for you and your quality of life, you will be misunderstood. You will be ostracized. You will meet with opposition and naysayers. However, it is extremely important that you remember people sometimes rush to judgment on things they do not understand. To some it’s just easier to make a determination based on the facts that are presented to them as opposed to doing the necessary due diligence to obtain an objective perspective. And that’s completely understandable. People sometimes allow allegiances and affiliations to sway their outlook on things. This is absolutely fine. Loyalty is the currency that relationships bank on to survive. Nevertheless, one should be loyal to the actual truth of things not to certain people and their version of truth. I was told long ago that there are three sides to every story:

My version, their version …. And the truth.

There are those that subscribe to the mindset that Perception is reality. I vehemently disagree with this school of thought. Reality is reality…not one’s perception of it. Everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe as it pertains the truth according to them. As stated earlier free thought and free will are God’s gift to us all, not just those that believe in HIM. However,  one’s truth and the actual truth of a situation can at times be mutually exclusive. This is where having spiritual discernment and an open mind keeps one from rushing to irrational and  illogical decisions. Knowing who you are and Whose you are also helps keep one grounded. Don’t be deceived, you will never be able to make sound decisions for yourself or towards the improvement of your quality of life if you don’t know who you are or have your “truth” firmly rooted with the proper foundation. The substance in which you choose to build your “temple” or your principles on makes all the difference in how long it remains inhabitable. There are those of us whose temples are need of an “extreme makeover” from the curbside to the privacy fence in the backyard. There are those of us whose temples are uninhabitable, yet we keep inviting people over for afternoon tea. There are those of us that need an understanding of what’s in our temples. There may be gifts buried under all of that clutter you have piling up in there. Whether you believe it or not, someone’s blessing is tied to you. Whether you accept that responsibility or not is irrelevant. Our mandate as human beings is to make any environment that we enter better for us having been there. Unfortunately, that means that we sometimes have to enter some extremely chaotic environments in order to bring peace to them. Now trust me when I say that this is not for the faint of heart. There will be heartache, there will be disappointments, there will be loss, there will be turmoil and there will be uncontrollable events that can unnerve you and wound you deeply (Sometimes touching you in the very depths of your soul). Nevertheless, stay encouraged. You can’t spell the word testimony without the “test”.  Sometimes a little apathy is a good thing. I read something extremely profound today. I am truly thankful to the most High for the Rhema word that HE regularly deposits into my heart and soul. It was entitled “16 Things you shouldn’t have to justify to Anyone Else”. It was an exceptional piece of literature but there was a part that really resonated with me...... I have included that excerpt of the post below:

Will the people in your life always support your decisions?  No, they won’t.  But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself; it’s about creating yourself.   Your life is yours alone.  Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you.  They can walk with you, but not in your shoes.  So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to walk alone and pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.

Make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.”  Say it to anyone who passes judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are.  People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK.  You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.

It’s ok when people don’t understand you or your motives. It’s ok to allow people to walk out of your lives. I personally am not in the business of keeping people around or in my life that don’t want to be kept. If they walk out of your life, let them. They are doing what’s best for them. It is times like this that I have to remind myself that if you truly care about a person, you have to let them do what’s best for them…even if it causes momentary discomfort. 

Who am I?

I am.....

Faithful and Obedient to God knowing who I am and Whose I am, Loving Son, Loyal and trustworthy friend, the World’s confidant and voice of reason. Fun Loving, Assertive, Benevolent, Patient and Kind. A true Visionary, Motivator, Educator, Comforter and Nurturer.

Attributes that have brought me both joy and pain. Attributes that will never change regardless of how intensely the enemy increases their attacks against me and my quality life. Attributes that allow me to remain true to myself and all that is within me. I am who and what the Most High needs and wants me to be and will be that until the second I close my eyes for the last time. I understand that that is going to make me some enemies. I understand that everyone will not understand the “method to my madness”. Fortunately for me, I have matured quite a bit and have grown emotionally, spiritually and philosophically. People tend to hate what they don’t understand. I personally have no time for hate. I have no desire to judge or discredit another human being. We all have a back story. Some of us have been blessed to have one that is pleasant and one that has brought us a lot of joy. Then there are those of us whose back story is one of struggle, pain and disappointment. The key is that despite how the story began, it’s up to you to determine how it ends. Pray unceasingly, Forgive often….. Love always. This is what gets me through a many trial and tribulation. 

I implore you to do the same....

Who am I?

I am my Father’s child (Both Heavenly and deceased Earthly). I am that one that sees the good in everybody… even if they don’t see it in themselves. I am the one that will never give up on those that I love. I am the  one who wants everyone to succeed and realize their life’s full potential.

Who am I?

A work in progress and will probably be that way until the day I die. The day we stop evolving as human beings is the day we stop living (Both figuratively and literally). That means that no one has all the answers. Which means that we should never stop asking questions, even if the questions make others uncomfortable.

Who am I?

I am the one that will walk that extra mile with you, even if you don’t ask me to.

Who am I?

I am the one that when all else fails will never lose my faith in the Most High, regardless of what the world throws at me. Life has taught me that you have to trust God…..even when you can’t trace HIM.

Now….

It’s time to ask yourself who you are. It’s time to do a little introspection. I only know who I am and whose I am because I took the time to ask myself the tough questions. For you see, you will never  truly find out who you are unless you are willing to “go deep”. Beneath the surface. Beneath the façade you created to impress people. Beneath the layers of makeup and fine clothing. Behind all of the walls you have erected to prevent people from seeing the real you. Where you are totally vulnerable. Where the real you resides. The “you” that you wish you could show the world but fear and poor self confidence keeps you from revealing it. Please understand that fear is the number one enemy of self discovery. Fear of rejection. Fear of criticism. Fear of being ostracized or black balled. Fear of disappointing those you hold near and dear. Trust me…. I have been there. Even though I don’t fear being alone, no one signs up to be there simply based on their trying to live their lives the way they see fit.

 Then one day I woke up (Yeah.... I spent years “sleep walking” thinking that if I stayed in that state that this would minimize the pain of rejection and being ostracized for being “different”). This to me was finally the awakening I needed to allow me to see the difference between living and existing. For so long I did what I could simply to exist instead of fully living the life the Creator intended for me to live. This period of my life I simply refer to as my Spiritual Rehabilitation. I use the word rehab because my Spirit was in need of some serious TLC. I had allowed life and the opinion of others to wreak havoc on it. Unfortunately, doing so made me miss out on the beauty of the simple things in life. We as human beings tend to overcomplicate life unnecessarily. Fight when we should strive for peace. Speak when we should be silent. React when we should not. Move when we should be still.

So in closing, I beseech you to do some introspection. 

Now for those of you that think you know everything there is to know about yourself, you will be surprised how much more there is to learn about yourself if you ask yourself the hard questions. The hardest part unfortunately is not in asking yourself the questions, but in  answering them honestly. I can tell you from experience that if you are brutally honest with yourself, you may not like all of the answers. It may mean knocking the scabs off of some old wounds. Some tears may be shed. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done.. I promise you… you will experience a freedom unlike any you have ever known. One other beautiful thing about this sort of revelation is that once you obtain this sort of peace, you will never allow anything or anyone disrupt it. This may mean removing some folks from your circle. This may mean ending toxic relationships. This may mean momentary discomfort for everyone involved and associated with the parties involved. All the same when the smoke clears and it is all said and done, everyone will be better for having experienced it.

Trust me I know.

Sometimes you have to value your sanity over what others perceive as “the right thing” ....... and that’s ok. For in the grand scheme of things, those with an “opinion” never truly have all the facts. Only you and the Most High are privy to that information. They will never have YOUR perspective. Nor will they ever truly care about the situation as much as you do. So don’t allow the opinions of other to sway you from doing what’s right for you.

Who am I?

Only God truly knows…. And in HIM do I place my trust.

I implore you to do the same.

Detox ©

The Soul needs attention like the body needs breath – author unknown

A Google search for the definition of the word detoxification provides many definitions. However, the one that most aptly pertains to today’s entry is:

“The process of removing toxic substances or qualities”

During the course of one’s life, they are exposed to so many things. People, places, things, ideals, emotions, etc. Many of us (I count myself in this number) tend to take in these things without putting any thought into whether or not they are truly any good for us or if they even are actually of any use for us. Most times we never get around to getting rid of the things we have absorbed over the course of our lives. The longer the life, the more junk we tend to internalize. It’s partly due to the fact that as we evolve into the people were destined to become, we experience a variety of things and events that actually contributes to molding us into the person our Creator intended us to become. Evolution is a beautiful thing. One should never die with the same mindset that they had when they were young and impulsive. At some point – as one matures – an individual begins to understand the sum total of all of their actions and their action's related consequences. If they are truly honest with themselves and truly hold themselves accountable for the actual state of their current existence, life becomes so serene. The unfortunate thing about today’s society is that it does not promote self awareness or self accountability. There are those out there believe that the world owes them something. So many individuals in today’s society have a delusional sense of entitlement. Like they don’t have to pay any dues. That the world should just give them everything that they want with not the least bit of sweat equity invested on their part. Like I said…… delusional. I was raised that anything that is worth obtaining has to be obtained through some sort of sacrifice. A lack of accountability for ones actions keeps that individual trapped in a perpetual cycle of misery and regret. Dreams deferred, relationships sabotaged, opportunities missed….. lives wasted.

Les Brown said it best:

“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”

Taking responsibility for one’s actions or self accountability is the cornerstone of an ethical life style. A truly ethical and morally responsible person is aware that it is who you are and what you do when no one is watching that determines whether or not you can truly be deemed as trustworthy. Individuals who never take responsibility for their actions or always try to pawnoff their faults and indiscretions on others are and never will be trustworthy. It is these people that you should avoid like the plague…. Bubonic… Meningeal… Pneumonic or any other clinical form in existence. The same amount of effort you put forth to prevent yourself from contracting one of the aforementioned diseases is the exact same amount of effort you should put forth to avoid toxic people and toxic situations for you see they in essence have the same effect on you. Plagues completely destroy their host and if not treated in a timely enough fashion can cause extreme discomfort and even death. Toxic people and relationships if not immediately recognized will eventually kill an individual’s spirit and if one is not extremely careful will even make them question things about themselves that they had long thought themselves secure about.

I.e.:

The friend or family member that is never there for you, but is always there when they need something.

Or

The child that “never grows up” and places an unfair burden on their parents for a truly loving parent will always support their children…. Even when they are wrong. Now notice I said support and not enable. There is very distinct difference between the two. Oh… don’t think so? Ask any Hollywood child star that has run afoul of the law what type of childhood they had and I am quite sure that their parents gave them everything that they needed or could have ever possibly ever wanted…. Except love.

Or

The individual that loves someone that is self absorbed and loves no one but themselves. Loving an individual who does not take your emotional state or feelings into consideration can be extremely exhausting. Not to mention that the individual that is going without emotional affirmation or support begins to question if they are even worthy of love or if they were ever meant to love someone or be loved. But I digress...

It is when you find yourself in any one of the aforementioned situations or knee deep in any similar scenario is when it is truly time for introspection. Is the pain I am experiencing worth it? Will my current discomfort or anxiety pass or is this situation something that is unfortunately irreparable and unbearable? Are you truly getting a return on your investment or sweat equity (Not that we should do things to receive things but benevolence in a relationship of any kind should never be one sided)? Will this current situation that I am in enhance and improve my quality of life? Is this a situation that I can fully immerse myself in without reservation or skepticism? If you answered no to any of the previous questions then you my friend are in a toxic relationship. Thankfully there is a process that one can begin to turn all of those negatives into positives. With self discovery comes freedom and with  this discovery also comes the next part: detoxification.

As stated earlier in this entry, the process of detoxification involves the removal of toxic substances or qualities. Now here’s the tricky party. Detoxification is an all or nothing proposition. You have to completely submit yourself to the process with nothing held back. A total cleanse is the only way to insure that all of the impurities that have latched onto your psyche, relationships, goals, ambitions or simply onto all of the things you hold near and dear have been removed. In this humble author’s opinion the major component of emotional detoxification is forgiveness. For see you won’t even be able to truly begin the detoxification process until you have forgiven every single individual that has ever “wronged” you. Notice the quotation marks? They are there because there are some of us out there carrying around grudges and hate for individuals that when asked truly don’t even know what the hell you are mad at them about. I’m just saying…. This is where ego and pride have to be removed from the equation. Communication is tantamount to sustaining a healthy relationship. Poor communication and coping skills are two things that if not addressed quickly and correctly will surely cause a relationship to go from healthy and fruitful to toxic and unbearable in a nanosecond. Trust me; this is something I know all too well about. Now I will be the first to admit that it took me a while to understand and fully embrace the concept of true forgiveness. As a matter of fact, the worse the “offense”, the greater the resentment. I lived like this for years until what I like to refer to as my “Spiritual Rehabilitation” (Please see earlier entries for more details concerning this). Then thankfully I woke up …and grew up. Children throw temper tantrums. Children don’t take responsibility for their actions, Children take no thought of how today’s actions can adversely affect them tomorrow, Children take the ones they love for granted. However, all of the aforementioned character traits are absolutely expected of children. Not of fully functioning adults that are in their right mind and are capable of thinking for themselves. Adults that exhibit the aforementioned characteristics are self absorbed and aren’t fit to love anyone much less procreate.

My bad… I was talking about detoxification wasn’t I?

Now understand an undertaking of this magnitude is not for the faint of heart. See in order to truly detoxify one’s life they have to not be afraid to ask themselves the tough questions. They cannot be afraid of the answers that they may get or things that they may discover about themselves. This process requires absolute and total honesty with one's self. Besides….lying to yourself is not a good look. I mean seriously if you can’t be honest with yourself about the stuff that is most important to you, then how in Allah’s name can we expect you to be honest with us. Total honesty is a mark of maturity and when it comes to relationships and affairs of the heart, honesty is most definitely and will always be the best policy. Even if the consequences of such honesty causes us momentary discomfort. For you see, anyone that willingly lies to you (even about the smallest things) on a consistent basis can’t truly respect you..... much less love you. Truly loving someone means totally accepting people and their situations absent of any kind of judgment or preconceived notions. The unfortunate thing about relationships today is that most individuals enter said relationships “in reverse”. Now what exactly do I mean by that? 

I am so glad you asked....

Entering relationships “in reverse” to me is when you sleep with someone the first night you meet them before even getting to know them then try to “establish” a meaningful relationship. Now don’t get me wrong. I know that if you turn over enough stones you can find that exceptional “love at first sight story”. Nevertheless from my experience, this most definitely is the exception and not the norm. Entering relationships in this manner almost assures breakdowns in communication resulting in arguments, the constant misunderstanding of one another’s intentions leading to constant discussions to obtain clarification, the unintentional assignment of unfair expectations by all parties involved, and so on. My point is that doing things out of order causes us to undergo unnecessary trials and tribulations. Hence the need to occasionally detoxify your life. See, detoxifying your life allows you to start anew once all the junk has been extracted from your psyche and life. Once all the crud that has accumulated has been removed, there is now more room for the things that make one’s life fruitful and enjoyable. Out with despair and in with unspeakable joy. Out with the guilt about past indiscretions, in with the hope for a brighter and better future. Out with the fear of rejection and abuse, in with the ability to love openly and unconditionally. Detoxification allows you to purge yourself of all the things that kept you from living the life you are supposed to live. Detoxification allows one to shed the bonds of Emotional Servitude. The detoxification process once complete, will completely alter your perspective on your life and have you feeling like an Ice Cube lyric regardless of what happens throughout the course of your day (I gotta say it was a good day!)

Yeah… I love Hip Hop....

I once heard the most profound quote by an individual by the name of Jack Canfield:

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

How does this apply to cleansing one’s Mind, Body and Soul? Give me a sec and I’ll try explaining.

Fear is the number one enemy of change. Don’t be deceived…. The detoxification process is all about change.  One cannot purge themselves of toxins and impurities and remain the same. Don’t believe me? Ok. I understand. You don’t get it. Let me break it down a little for you:

An alcoholic that has overcome their addiction can’t continuously place themselves in situations that test their mettle. Eventually, their desire to return to what’s familiar will outweigh their desire to be free of their addiction.

The abused spouse that leaves the abuser can’t keep putting themselves in a position to be abused by going back every time the abuser comes calling or says that they won’t hurt you ever again because they love them. Trust me, someone that loves you will never want to see you upset, harmed or experiencing any sort of discomfort. Anyone that truly loves you will never put their wants and desires before your happiness, safety or emotional stability.

The convict cannot continue associating with the crowd that got them hemmed up.

The side chick that finally wants to meet a good man and settle down can’t keep putting it down on someone else’s husband.

A brother trying to get off the streets and live a more legitimate lifestyle can’t keep going to the trap house.

The scenarios are endless. 

The point is that once you are free of impurities and reap the benefits of the cleansing, it is absolutely your responsibility to fight with everything within you to maintain the peace you fought so hard to obtain. The unfortunate thing is that so many of us allow fear of the unknown to keep us from making the changes necessary to truly cleanse ourselves of all of the things  making us slaves to toxic situations and from experiencing true freedom. A very dear friend of mine shared a very simplistic yet truly profound quote with me prior to my relocation to Sunny AZ. 1700 plus miles from everything and everyone I have ever known (Now that’s a Detox for that a**). I had a slight case of nerves and reached out to her for a little bit of encouragement (The word of the Most High proclaims that Iron sharpens Iron). I leave you with the words that truly led to me making one of the best decisions of my entire life. A decision that so wonderfully improved my quality of life that I promised myself and my Creator that I will never live another second lamenting on the past, pressing onward to a future that I now with all my heart and soul believe is full of promise. I am just entirely too blessed to be stressed. Find the positive in every day.  Smile and laugh.  It is a scientific fact that a positive attitude reduces the number of stress chemicals in the body.  Besides, as the adage says, “laughter is the best medicine.” Be the positivity you wish to see in the world. A kind word, a smile, a hug, a joke (no matter how corny) can be the difference between someone having an amazing day or a horrible one. I truly believe this quite simply because I am the ultimate optimist and contextualist. 

So as promised, I leave you with in this humble author’s opinion is one of the most simplistic yet profound statements ever uttered or placed in print:

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Detoxify your life today.

Your relationships, your quality of life and your emotional stability most certainly depends on it.