Who am I? ©

After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life - Sophia Loren

As I go through this life there is one irrefutable fact to living, you will disappoint others and you will be disappointed. It’s the nature of the beast called life. There are no perfect people in this world. We have all made our share of mistakes. That’s because you are a human being. Imperfect, unpolished, fallible and ever evolving. If we had all of the answers as human beings, the world in which we currently reside would certainly be a much better place. However, as we all know…the world and the individuals we meet on a daily basis are far from perfect and anyone who attempts to convince you otherwise should be avoided like the plague. I personally try to separate myself as far as I possibly can from the delusional and narcissistic tendencies of people…. Even if that means separating myself from the people themselves.

I have spent so many years of my life emotionally investing myself into individuals without truly taking into account the things that I need in order for me to be emotionally fulfilled. Putting other’s emotional needs and desires ahead of my own sometimes to the spoiling of my own soul. As a child of the Most High, I am to love others unconditionally whether that love is erotic, platonic, familial, or fraternal. As a child of the most high I am to live my life in a manner that uplifts and encourages the ones around me to live their lives in a manner pleasing to no one other their creator and themselves. For at the end of all things, the only love that truly matters is the love that you and your Creator share and the love that you have for yourself. Nothing and no one should ever come between either. Over the course of my life, my love for God has grown deeper and now supersedes everything. My love for myself (while it is strong) not so much. I have allowed myself to love others more than I love myself at times. I have allowed myself to become so emotionally invested into others that sometimes I emotionally neglect myself. I guess it’s just the selflessness of my nature. For you see, the Son of God selflessly sacrificed his life so that ALL of our sin debt could be paid in full. Now whether you believe as I do is irrelevant. Christ died for us all. HE died so that you would have the right to believe as you wish. HE died so that you would have the right to choose whether or not to believe that HE ever existed or whether or not HIS Father does exist. HE forgave those that wrongly accused him for crimes HE didn’t commit and called for HIS death. The same individuals that praised HIM and welcomed HIS arrival. He sacrificed HIS life so that those that denied him could eventually repent of their sins and accept HIM for what and who HE truly is. HIS act of selflessness transcends time and space. The ultimate example of unconditional love. An example we should all try to emulate.

But I digress….

Self Discovery is tantamount to a joyous and productive life. Without it you will trudge through this life being what everybody wants or needs you to be. Without it you could spend your life living to meet the unreasonable expectations of others. That is not living. That is not even existing. Most importantly, that is most certainly not the way the Most High ever intended for any of us to live our lives. Allow someone to define your world and they will more than likely keep you from meeting your full potential. It is not our right to judge individuals for being imperfect. It is not our responsibility to hold individuals to a standard that prevents the individual from being themselves. Our lives are ours to control. Our lives are ours to live exactly as we see fit. The beautiful thing about free will is that at anytime we are free to do what is best for us if a particular situation isn’t to our liking. The beautiful thing about living a life free of preconceived notions and unreasonable expectations of others is that when someone makes what they believe is a rational and conscious decision that’s best for them…. You have the ability to allow them to without taking it personally. However, it is always best to remember that that is a double edged sword. Life is all about choices and no one can ever fault you or judge you for making a choice that you feel is best for you and the quality of your life.

Now please understand that sometimes the choices that you make will not make you the most popular person. Sometimes the decisions you make that are for your best interest will force you to travel the road less traveled. Sometimes making choices that are in your best interest will force you to have to walk alone. Well I’m here to tell you that sometimes Solitude is a great thing. I’m kind of biased though for you see I grew up as an only child. So I had plenty of time to myself. That being said, being alone is not a bad thing to me. In all actuality I believe being alone is never a bad thing as long as you use the time to improve yourself. In my humble opinion, we should always be ever evolving. Working towards being a better you. That at times means that you will have to stand firm on what you believe and go against the grain. You must also understand that when doing what you believe is best for you and your quality of life, you will be misunderstood. You will be ostracized. You will meet with opposition and naysayers. However, it is extremely important that you remember people sometimes rush to judgment on things they do not understand. To some it’s just easier to make a determination based on the facts that are presented to them as opposed to doing the necessary due diligence to obtain an objective perspective. And that’s completely understandable. People sometimes allow allegiances and affiliations to sway their outlook on things. This is absolutely fine. Loyalty is the currency that relationships bank on to survive. Nevertheless, one should be loyal to the actual truth of things not to certain people and their version of truth. I was told long ago that there are three sides to every story:

My version, their version …. And the truth.

There are those that subscribe to the mindset that Perception is reality. I vehemently disagree with this school of thought. Reality is reality…not one’s perception of it. Everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe as it pertains the truth according to them. As stated earlier free thought and free will are God’s gift to us all, not just those that believe in HIM. However,  one’s truth and the actual truth of a situation can at times be mutually exclusive. This is where having spiritual discernment and an open mind keeps one from rushing to irrational and  illogical decisions. Knowing who you are and Whose you are also helps keep one grounded. Don’t be deceived, you will never be able to make sound decisions for yourself or towards the improvement of your quality of life if you don’t know who you are or have your “truth” firmly rooted with the proper foundation. The substance in which you choose to build your “temple” or your principles on makes all the difference in how long it remains inhabitable. There are those of us whose temples are need of an “extreme makeover” from the curbside to the privacy fence in the backyard. There are those of us whose temples are uninhabitable, yet we keep inviting people over for afternoon tea. There are those of us that need an understanding of what’s in our temples. There may be gifts buried under all of that clutter you have piling up in there. Whether you believe it or not, someone’s blessing is tied to you. Whether you accept that responsibility or not is irrelevant. Our mandate as human beings is to make any environment that we enter better for us having been there. Unfortunately, that means that we sometimes have to enter some extremely chaotic environments in order to bring peace to them. Now trust me when I say that this is not for the faint of heart. There will be heartache, there will be disappointments, there will be loss, there will be turmoil and there will be uncontrollable events that can unnerve you and wound you deeply (Sometimes touching you in the very depths of your soul). Nevertheless, stay encouraged. You can’t spell the word testimony without the “test”.  Sometimes a little apathy is a good thing. I read something extremely profound today. I am truly thankful to the most High for the Rhema word that HE regularly deposits into my heart and soul. It was entitled “16 Things you shouldn’t have to justify to Anyone Else”. It was an exceptional piece of literature but there was a part that really resonated with me...... I have included that excerpt of the post below:

Will the people in your life always support your decisions?  No, they won’t.  But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself; it’s about creating yourself.   Your life is yours alone.  Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you.  They can walk with you, but not in your shoes.  So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to walk alone and pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.

Make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.”  Say it to anyone who passes judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are.  People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK.  You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.

It’s ok when people don’t understand you or your motives. It’s ok to allow people to walk out of your lives. I personally am not in the business of keeping people around or in my life that don’t want to be kept. If they walk out of your life, let them. They are doing what’s best for them. It is times like this that I have to remind myself that if you truly care about a person, you have to let them do what’s best for them…even if it causes momentary discomfort. 

Who am I?

I am.....

Faithful and Obedient to God knowing who I am and Whose I am, Loving Son, Loyal and trustworthy friend, the World’s confidant and voice of reason. Fun Loving, Assertive, Benevolent, Patient and Kind. A true Visionary, Motivator, Educator, Comforter and Nurturer.

Attributes that have brought me both joy and pain. Attributes that will never change regardless of how intensely the enemy increases their attacks against me and my quality life. Attributes that allow me to remain true to myself and all that is within me. I am who and what the Most High needs and wants me to be and will be that until the second I close my eyes for the last time. I understand that that is going to make me some enemies. I understand that everyone will not understand the “method to my madness”. Fortunately for me, I have matured quite a bit and have grown emotionally, spiritually and philosophically. People tend to hate what they don’t understand. I personally have no time for hate. I have no desire to judge or discredit another human being. We all have a back story. Some of us have been blessed to have one that is pleasant and one that has brought us a lot of joy. Then there are those of us whose back story is one of struggle, pain and disappointment. The key is that despite how the story began, it’s up to you to determine how it ends. Pray unceasingly, Forgive often….. Love always. This is what gets me through a many trial and tribulation. 

I implore you to do the same....

Who am I?

I am my Father’s child (Both Heavenly and deceased Earthly). I am that one that sees the good in everybody… even if they don’t see it in themselves. I am the one that will never give up on those that I love. I am the  one who wants everyone to succeed and realize their life’s full potential.

Who am I?

A work in progress and will probably be that way until the day I die. The day we stop evolving as human beings is the day we stop living (Both figuratively and literally). That means that no one has all the answers. Which means that we should never stop asking questions, even if the questions make others uncomfortable.

Who am I?

I am the one that will walk that extra mile with you, even if you don’t ask me to.

Who am I?

I am the one that when all else fails will never lose my faith in the Most High, regardless of what the world throws at me. Life has taught me that you have to trust God…..even when you can’t trace HIM.

Now….

It’s time to ask yourself who you are. It’s time to do a little introspection. I only know who I am and whose I am because I took the time to ask myself the tough questions. For you see, you will never  truly find out who you are unless you are willing to “go deep”. Beneath the surface. Beneath the façade you created to impress people. Beneath the layers of makeup and fine clothing. Behind all of the walls you have erected to prevent people from seeing the real you. Where you are totally vulnerable. Where the real you resides. The “you” that you wish you could show the world but fear and poor self confidence keeps you from revealing it. Please understand that fear is the number one enemy of self discovery. Fear of rejection. Fear of criticism. Fear of being ostracized or black balled. Fear of disappointing those you hold near and dear. Trust me…. I have been there. Even though I don’t fear being alone, no one signs up to be there simply based on their trying to live their lives the way they see fit.

 Then one day I woke up (Yeah.... I spent years “sleep walking” thinking that if I stayed in that state that this would minimize the pain of rejection and being ostracized for being “different”). This to me was finally the awakening I needed to allow me to see the difference between living and existing. For so long I did what I could simply to exist instead of fully living the life the Creator intended for me to live. This period of my life I simply refer to as my Spiritual Rehabilitation. I use the word rehab because my Spirit was in need of some serious TLC. I had allowed life and the opinion of others to wreak havoc on it. Unfortunately, doing so made me miss out on the beauty of the simple things in life. We as human beings tend to overcomplicate life unnecessarily. Fight when we should strive for peace. Speak when we should be silent. React when we should not. Move when we should be still.

So in closing, I beseech you to do some introspection. 

Now for those of you that think you know everything there is to know about yourself, you will be surprised how much more there is to learn about yourself if you ask yourself the hard questions. The hardest part unfortunately is not in asking yourself the questions, but in  answering them honestly. I can tell you from experience that if you are brutally honest with yourself, you may not like all of the answers. It may mean knocking the scabs off of some old wounds. Some tears may be shed. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done.. I promise you… you will experience a freedom unlike any you have ever known. One other beautiful thing about this sort of revelation is that once you obtain this sort of peace, you will never allow anything or anyone disrupt it. This may mean removing some folks from your circle. This may mean ending toxic relationships. This may mean momentary discomfort for everyone involved and associated with the parties involved. All the same when the smoke clears and it is all said and done, everyone will be better for having experienced it.

Trust me I know.

Sometimes you have to value your sanity over what others perceive as “the right thing” ....... and that’s ok. For in the grand scheme of things, those with an “opinion” never truly have all the facts. Only you and the Most High are privy to that information. They will never have YOUR perspective. Nor will they ever truly care about the situation as much as you do. So don’t allow the opinions of other to sway you from doing what’s right for you.

Who am I?

Only God truly knows…. And in HIM do I place my trust.

I implore you to do the same.