“I
denounce because though implicated and partially responsible, I have been hurt
to the point of abysmal pain, hurt to the point of invisibility. And I defend
because in spite of it all, I find that I love.”
Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
I just want to live my truth in peace.
I have been forced into staying in a larval state because society hates Black Butterflies.
I have a lot of love in me, I have a lot of peace in me......I have a lot of creativity in me. I'm a free spirit. However, because I have lived in perpetual state of war since the day I was born on a number of fronts (Family, Work, Love, Relationships), I have never truly felt safe or comfortable enough to actually be true to who I truly am, and the infinite possibilities afforded to me by my limitless capabilities. There is not much I can't do once I set my mind to it.
Nevertheless......life is full of distractions and can be a figurative and literal minefield for the Black Man in America.
Sadly, it too often feels like we are either in the crosshairs of white supremacy or on the battlefield of justice and equality fighting for the rights that are so freely given to seemingly everyone else. Fighting to love and be loved, fighting to smile, fighting to protect our peace........ fighting to preserve our lives in a world seemingly dead set on taking them. Hell, sometimes the fight is just to live a somewhat normal life free of being collateral damage in someone’s flavor of the month Quasi-war against POC.
The stress that comes with living like that is unbearable at times......but by the grace of the Most High God, we find a way. PTSD is not only experienced by soldiers on a battlefield. We are warriors in our own right. Forced into a de facto state of war from the moment we take our first breath. It has been said that the Most High gives his fiercest battles to his strongest warriors. Well, I think it goes without saying that the American Black Male is as strong as they come.
As a 40+ something year old Black Man living in the "United" States, I have firsthand experience on the American Double Standard when it comes to Black Men.
There is an insane amount of toughness you have to have to live as a Black Man in this country.
I know this because I have to mentally prep myself to be ready every day for whatever scenario I may find myself in. The only comfort I have is knowing that my prayers and the prayers of those that love me keep me covered.
Nevertheless, unconscious bias generally dictates eighty to ninety percent (And I feel like I’m being generous here) of most interactions between POC and Non-POC.
When it comes to law-and-order enforcement in this country, Black Men are typically viewed as guilty until proven innocent the majority of the time.
We are generally vilified even when being victimized.
We are expected to comply with the law even in the face of our rights being violated.
More times than not, we stand by and cheer as everyone else is celebrated..... everyone but us.
We show up and do more than what is expected of us, while everyone else gets by with getting away with doing the bare minimum.
We typically deal with the burden of unfair and unrealistic expectations that are not expected of our fairer skinned counterparts.
Our ambition and our passion are interpreted as aggression and anger.
Our intelligence and assertiveness are seen as a threat.
Our inquisitiveness is viewed a lack of intellect or proficiency whereas with anyone else it is "there are no stupid questions".
Are we perfect? No. Do we make mistakes? Absolutely. The problem is that most of the time we are not allowed to learn from our mistakes because we're too busy trying to survive the disproportionately excessive consequences attached to them. A broken taillight or an expired license can lead to a traffic ticket or citation for one segment of our population but end up being a summary execution for us. I will not waste time going into how the judicial system gives stiffer sentences to POC than they do to whites even though have committed the same crime (I am just over stating the obvious to people at this point). Seems when it comes to seeing Black Men for who they truly are and not what society has scripted us to be, everyone's vision gets blurry, and they become hard of hearing.
Even in our own community, we are not truly respected as we should be. Folks seem to recognize Black Girl Magic a lot faster and with greater frequency than they do Black Boy Joy.......but that is another topic for another day.
Now...…granted, some of us have some work to do.
Thing is though....
Some of us are struggling to truly understand who we are and the role we have to play in the lives of those we love.
Some of us are battling inner demons while also having to war with external ones.
Some of are carrying heavy loads but are too prideful to ask for help because we fear being viewed as incompetent or "good for nothing".
Some of us are mentally at our wits end but will not go seek much needed counseling because of the stigma and ridicule from those closest to us (who probably needs counseling themselves). Take it from someone who has "done the inner work", you tend to experience the worst opposition when you are trying to work on you and the things necessary to improve YOUR quality of life.
Being born in the skin I'm in comes with experiences that built my character. It has allowed me to empathize or even sympathize in situations when it was warranted. It's blessed me with the ability to persevere through the most precarious of situations. It has blessed me with a level of insight that very few people have. The kind of insight that allows me to proactively navigate the routinely turbulent waters of my existence of America.
In a perfect world, everyone would understand that they should put more into the world than they take from it. In a perfect world, individuals would understand that the world owes you nothing and vice versa. In a perfect world, accountability would be the norm and not the exception to the rule. All things being equal, a person’s skin color would equate to a death sentence for the slightest of offences.
Now don't get it twisted......
I'm Black and I'm proud.
I wouldn't trade bring who, Whose, what and where I am for anything in the world. Has it been rough at times?
Is water wet?
That being said, I just want to take the opportunity to uplift my Black Brothers. I love my Sisters, but this entry is dedicated to the brothers out here in the trenches trying to make the world a better place for the ones they love and for society as whole.
Shout out to the brothers that reach back into their community to help other brothers after they “make it”. Big up to every brother that finds a way to maintain their composure in the face of the outright disrespect and contempt they receive for simply existing. The brother out there working multiple jobs to make ends meet for his family. The brother out there doing his best to maintain his sanity in an environment that is anything but inclusive. The brother out there trying to be the best husband and father her knows how to be. The brother out there having to stifle his individuality because it makes others around him uncomfortable. The brother out there being told that he will never amount to anything based on the perspective of a teacher, leader, boss, etc. in a system that was never invested in their growth or development in the first place.
Please know this, you are not alone. You are respected. You are revered. You are a survivor. You are a warrior. You are royalty. The world knows your worth. Why do you think there is such a fanatical effort underway - not just in this country, but globally - to break your spirit and devalue you in the eyes of other cultures?
The ability to achieve success in light of every possible obstacle being placed in your way is a Black Man’s Superpower. The amount of resiliency we show in the face of totally insurmountable odds is the stuff of legend. The road to equality and inclusion is covered in the blood, sweat and tears of some very strong and misunderstood Black Men who are now seen as heroes who at the time they were fighting for fairness and civil rights in this country were branded Public Enemy Number One.
You know the stories; we pull off the scabs every February.
There is certain amount beauty in the struggle, though.
Spoken like a true masochist, right?
Nothing brings us together as a people like adversity. Yet, there’s a certain joy and an equal amount sadness I take from that previous statement. Joy in that solidarity is the only way that Black People are going to overcome the divisiveness and hatred once again rearing its ugly head in this country for literally the entire world to see (R.I.P George Floyd). Sadness in it should not ALWAYS take adversity, anger and attacks on our quality of life to bring us together.
The African American story was birthed in calamity and misfortune. Slaves were not the first Black People to come to America, but the Transatlantic Slave Trade left a mark on the African American psyche that is still evident four centuries later. The post-traumatic stress of being completely uprooted from your homes and stripped of your identity, is evident in a lot of our people’s sense of urgency and insatiable desire to assimilate into a system that was not created with them in mind. Every brother is most certainly NOT a brother, and they will treat you just like an oppressor (if not worse) to solidify their “place” in the system. Personally, it is those instances when my father’s words come to mind:
“Watch your six and move accordingly”.
Lately there has been an all-out assault on actual facts and what is actually to be considered true or false. The Truth has become malleable to whatever agenda is being pushed at the given moment. There are even a lot of so-called Christians out there using the word of the Most High God to justify their cruelty and vitriol. Christians that in my opinion need a small reminder of exactly what the God they profess to serve expects of them. I took the liberty 0f listing a few verses for those Christians I’m referring to just in case their memory is a little hazy:
“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” (Matthew 22:37–39)
“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against any of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:18)
“Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
There are plenty more verses that I could cite, but you get the point.
As I close this entry, I want to do so on the premise that the author of this entry is in no way bitter, angry, resentful or blinded to the fact that a lot of the issues plaguing the African American community are internal ones that can only be resolved internally. Nevertheless, my community’s “issues” does not by any means give any other culture the right to belittle or denigrate it. We need allies, not saviors. Every community has its share of cultural issues. It is that race’s obligation to course correct free of other’s mostly biased criticisms and unfounded conclusions. Some of the worst accidents are caused by distracted driving. Do us all a favor and stay in your own lane.
So, in closing I leave you with this. The human experience centers around being acknowledged for who you are and having your concerns genuinely acknowledged and addressed to your satisfaction.
The burden of invisibility is one of the heaviest of loads to bear because of the solitary nature of it. A weight that typically for the Black Man in America they have too often and too unnecessarily been forced to carry alone.
