Detox ©

The Soul needs attention like the body needs breath – author unknown

A Google search for the definition of the word detoxification provides many definitions. However, the one that most aptly pertains to today’s entry is:

“The process of removing toxic substances or qualities”

During the course of one’s life, they are exposed to so many things. People, places, things, ideals, emotions, etc. Many of us (I count myself in this number) tend to take in these things without putting any thought into whether or not they are truly any good for us or if they even are actually of any use for us. Most times we never get around to getting rid of the things we have absorbed over the course of our lives. The longer the life, the more junk we tend to internalize. It’s partly due to the fact that as we evolve into the people were destined to become, we experience a variety of things and events that actually contributes to molding us into the person our Creator intended us to become. Evolution is a beautiful thing. One should never die with the same mindset that they had when they were young and impulsive. At some point – as one matures – an individual begins to understand the sum total of all of their actions and their action's related consequences. If they are truly honest with themselves and truly hold themselves accountable for the actual state of their current existence, life becomes so serene. The unfortunate thing about today’s society is that it does not promote self awareness or self accountability. There are those out there believe that the world owes them something. So many individuals in today’s society have a delusional sense of entitlement. Like they don’t have to pay any dues. That the world should just give them everything that they want with not the least bit of sweat equity invested on their part. Like I said…… delusional. I was raised that anything that is worth obtaining has to be obtained through some sort of sacrifice. A lack of accountability for ones actions keeps that individual trapped in a perpetual cycle of misery and regret. Dreams deferred, relationships sabotaged, opportunities missed….. lives wasted.

Les Brown said it best:

“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”

Taking responsibility for one’s actions or self accountability is the cornerstone of an ethical life style. A truly ethical and morally responsible person is aware that it is who you are and what you do when no one is watching that determines whether or not you can truly be deemed as trustworthy. Individuals who never take responsibility for their actions or always try to pawnoff their faults and indiscretions on others are and never will be trustworthy. It is these people that you should avoid like the plague…. Bubonic… Meningeal… Pneumonic or any other clinical form in existence. The same amount of effort you put forth to prevent yourself from contracting one of the aforementioned diseases is the exact same amount of effort you should put forth to avoid toxic people and toxic situations for you see they in essence have the same effect on you. Plagues completely destroy their host and if not treated in a timely enough fashion can cause extreme discomfort and even death. Toxic people and relationships if not immediately recognized will eventually kill an individual’s spirit and if one is not extremely careful will even make them question things about themselves that they had long thought themselves secure about.

I.e.:

The friend or family member that is never there for you, but is always there when they need something.

Or

The child that “never grows up” and places an unfair burden on their parents for a truly loving parent will always support their children…. Even when they are wrong. Now notice I said support and not enable. There is very distinct difference between the two. Oh… don’t think so? Ask any Hollywood child star that has run afoul of the law what type of childhood they had and I am quite sure that their parents gave them everything that they needed or could have ever possibly ever wanted…. Except love.

Or

The individual that loves someone that is self absorbed and loves no one but themselves. Loving an individual who does not take your emotional state or feelings into consideration can be extremely exhausting. Not to mention that the individual that is going without emotional affirmation or support begins to question if they are even worthy of love or if they were ever meant to love someone or be loved. But I digress...

It is when you find yourself in any one of the aforementioned situations or knee deep in any similar scenario is when it is truly time for introspection. Is the pain I am experiencing worth it? Will my current discomfort or anxiety pass or is this situation something that is unfortunately irreparable and unbearable? Are you truly getting a return on your investment or sweat equity (Not that we should do things to receive things but benevolence in a relationship of any kind should never be one sided)? Will this current situation that I am in enhance and improve my quality of life? Is this a situation that I can fully immerse myself in without reservation or skepticism? If you answered no to any of the previous questions then you my friend are in a toxic relationship. Thankfully there is a process that one can begin to turn all of those negatives into positives. With self discovery comes freedom and with  this discovery also comes the next part: detoxification.

As stated earlier in this entry, the process of detoxification involves the removal of toxic substances or qualities. Now here’s the tricky party. Detoxification is an all or nothing proposition. You have to completely submit yourself to the process with nothing held back. A total cleanse is the only way to insure that all of the impurities that have latched onto your psyche, relationships, goals, ambitions or simply onto all of the things you hold near and dear have been removed. In this humble author’s opinion the major component of emotional detoxification is forgiveness. For see you won’t even be able to truly begin the detoxification process until you have forgiven every single individual that has ever “wronged” you. Notice the quotation marks? They are there because there are some of us out there carrying around grudges and hate for individuals that when asked truly don’t even know what the hell you are mad at them about. I’m just saying…. This is where ego and pride have to be removed from the equation. Communication is tantamount to sustaining a healthy relationship. Poor communication and coping skills are two things that if not addressed quickly and correctly will surely cause a relationship to go from healthy and fruitful to toxic and unbearable in a nanosecond. Trust me; this is something I know all too well about. Now I will be the first to admit that it took me a while to understand and fully embrace the concept of true forgiveness. As a matter of fact, the worse the “offense”, the greater the resentment. I lived like this for years until what I like to refer to as my “Spiritual Rehabilitation” (Please see earlier entries for more details concerning this). Then thankfully I woke up …and grew up. Children throw temper tantrums. Children don’t take responsibility for their actions, Children take no thought of how today’s actions can adversely affect them tomorrow, Children take the ones they love for granted. However, all of the aforementioned character traits are absolutely expected of children. Not of fully functioning adults that are in their right mind and are capable of thinking for themselves. Adults that exhibit the aforementioned characteristics are self absorbed and aren’t fit to love anyone much less procreate.

My bad… I was talking about detoxification wasn’t I?

Now understand an undertaking of this magnitude is not for the faint of heart. See in order to truly detoxify one’s life they have to not be afraid to ask themselves the tough questions. They cannot be afraid of the answers that they may get or things that they may discover about themselves. This process requires absolute and total honesty with one's self. Besides….lying to yourself is not a good look. I mean seriously if you can’t be honest with yourself about the stuff that is most important to you, then how in Allah’s name can we expect you to be honest with us. Total honesty is a mark of maturity and when it comes to relationships and affairs of the heart, honesty is most definitely and will always be the best policy. Even if the consequences of such honesty causes us momentary discomfort. For you see, anyone that willingly lies to you (even about the smallest things) on a consistent basis can’t truly respect you..... much less love you. Truly loving someone means totally accepting people and their situations absent of any kind of judgment or preconceived notions. The unfortunate thing about relationships today is that most individuals enter said relationships “in reverse”. Now what exactly do I mean by that? 

I am so glad you asked....

Entering relationships “in reverse” to me is when you sleep with someone the first night you meet them before even getting to know them then try to “establish” a meaningful relationship. Now don’t get me wrong. I know that if you turn over enough stones you can find that exceptional “love at first sight story”. Nevertheless from my experience, this most definitely is the exception and not the norm. Entering relationships in this manner almost assures breakdowns in communication resulting in arguments, the constant misunderstanding of one another’s intentions leading to constant discussions to obtain clarification, the unintentional assignment of unfair expectations by all parties involved, and so on. My point is that doing things out of order causes us to undergo unnecessary trials and tribulations. Hence the need to occasionally detoxify your life. See, detoxifying your life allows you to start anew once all the junk has been extracted from your psyche and life. Once all the crud that has accumulated has been removed, there is now more room for the things that make one’s life fruitful and enjoyable. Out with despair and in with unspeakable joy. Out with the guilt about past indiscretions, in with the hope for a brighter and better future. Out with the fear of rejection and abuse, in with the ability to love openly and unconditionally. Detoxification allows you to purge yourself of all the things that kept you from living the life you are supposed to live. Detoxification allows one to shed the bonds of Emotional Servitude. The detoxification process once complete, will completely alter your perspective on your life and have you feeling like an Ice Cube lyric regardless of what happens throughout the course of your day (I gotta say it was a good day!)

Yeah… I love Hip Hop....

I once heard the most profound quote by an individual by the name of Jack Canfield:

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

How does this apply to cleansing one’s Mind, Body and Soul? Give me a sec and I’ll try explaining.

Fear is the number one enemy of change. Don’t be deceived…. The detoxification process is all about change.  One cannot purge themselves of toxins and impurities and remain the same. Don’t believe me? Ok. I understand. You don’t get it. Let me break it down a little for you:

An alcoholic that has overcome their addiction can’t continuously place themselves in situations that test their mettle. Eventually, their desire to return to what’s familiar will outweigh their desire to be free of their addiction.

The abused spouse that leaves the abuser can’t keep putting themselves in a position to be abused by going back every time the abuser comes calling or says that they won’t hurt you ever again because they love them. Trust me, someone that loves you will never want to see you upset, harmed or experiencing any sort of discomfort. Anyone that truly loves you will never put their wants and desires before your happiness, safety or emotional stability.

The convict cannot continue associating with the crowd that got them hemmed up.

The side chick that finally wants to meet a good man and settle down can’t keep putting it down on someone else’s husband.

A brother trying to get off the streets and live a more legitimate lifestyle can’t keep going to the trap house.

The scenarios are endless. 

The point is that once you are free of impurities and reap the benefits of the cleansing, it is absolutely your responsibility to fight with everything within you to maintain the peace you fought so hard to obtain. The unfortunate thing is that so many of us allow fear of the unknown to keep us from making the changes necessary to truly cleanse ourselves of all of the things  making us slaves to toxic situations and from experiencing true freedom. A very dear friend of mine shared a very simplistic yet truly profound quote with me prior to my relocation to Sunny AZ. 1700 plus miles from everything and everyone I have ever known (Now that’s a Detox for that a**). I had a slight case of nerves and reached out to her for a little bit of encouragement (The word of the Most High proclaims that Iron sharpens Iron). I leave you with the words that truly led to me making one of the best decisions of my entire life. A decision that so wonderfully improved my quality of life that I promised myself and my Creator that I will never live another second lamenting on the past, pressing onward to a future that I now with all my heart and soul believe is full of promise. I am just entirely too blessed to be stressed. Find the positive in every day.  Smile and laugh.  It is a scientific fact that a positive attitude reduces the number of stress chemicals in the body.  Besides, as the adage says, “laughter is the best medicine.” Be the positivity you wish to see in the world. A kind word, a smile, a hug, a joke (no matter how corny) can be the difference between someone having an amazing day or a horrible one. I truly believe this quite simply because I am the ultimate optimist and contextualist. 

So as promised, I leave you with in this humble author’s opinion is one of the most simplistic yet profound statements ever uttered or placed in print:

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Detoxify your life today.

Your relationships, your quality of life and your emotional stability most certainly depends on it.