Collateral Damage ©

I claim that human mind or human society is not divided into watertight compartments called social, political and religious. All act and react upon one another - Mohandas Gandhi 

Here we go again…

You know the sad thing about what’s going on in Washington on the hill right now is that no one there seems to understand the severity of what’s happening in America right now. The hopelessness that’s brewing. The scarcity of employment and the ever looming spectre of joblessness and unemployment for those of us blessed enough to be employed at the moment. The political posturing, Partisan shenanigans, lack of concern for what’s truly important to the American People by the elected officials on the hill and outright disrespect for the Office of the President of the United States has led to a serious lack of confidence in the people of this great nation’s ability to trust the political process that was implemented over two hundred years ago. It seems that the title politician is now synonymous with a used car salesman. Their interest in what’s important to their constituents lasts about as long as it takes for them to cast their vote. After the voter has cast their vote they’re on their own. Don't believe me? Drive off the lot without a warranty and see just how concerned that car salesman is going to be with that check engine light that pops on about a block from the lot.

Now I’m not saying all politicians or used car salespeople can’t be trusted.  I mean after all it is the car salesman's job to cater to your immediate need and appeal to your vanity. It is the consumer's responsibility to do their research and ask for what they want. Voting is (or should be) a totally different experience. I should be able to cast my vote for the individual that I feel is capable of doing the job he has been elected for. I should be able to rest easily knowing that the person I have cast my vote for truly has my best interest at heart. It seems as long as I have been able to cast a ballot, I have been voting for the lesser of two evils. As my grandmother always used to say, the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don’t know. The political system in America today in my opinion does not even remotely resemble the one our founding fathers implemented all those years ago. Or maybe it does. I mean after all when the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States was written, men still owned slaves (that’s a whole ‘nother entry in and of itself).  But in theory, they meant well I guess and I’m sure as somewhat misguided as some of them were, I’m sure they could have never imagined their vision for the American Political process would deteriorate in to what it has become. The way our elected officials are going about addressing the American people’s concerns is deplorable. You want to talk about Class Warfare? Let’s talk about the highest level unemployment in this nation in decades. Let’s talk about a disproportionate number of Americans without access to quality healthcare. Let’s talk about an alarming number of Americans having to choose between putting food on their table and putting petro in the ride. Let’s talk about Seniors in danger of losing SSA and Medicare benefits that they have worked long and hard for. Let’s talk about a mediocre education system that does nothing to prepare today’s youth for the 21^st Century. Let’s talk about a criminal justice system that put’s an innocent man to death on what has been considered by some of the nation’s top legal analysts to be at best circumstantial evidence.


Couple all of these factors with the fact that there are only certain segments of the American populace that have a voice in Washington and you have all the elements of Class Warfare but not in the way that today’s American Millionaire population would have you believe. Let them tell it, the Buffet Rule is going to all but have them in the poor house, living under a bridge and eating Ramen Noodles. Heaven forbid if they aren’t able to take that annual vacation to Martha’s Vineyard with the fam this year or buy that new Roles Royce Ghost to tool around town in. I mean after all, a six or seven figure income doesn’t go as far as it used to these days *eyes rolling*.  Not to mention all those government bailouts have to be paid back you know. Oh yeah! Guess who is footing the bill for that? The American Taxpayer. Meanwhile, the rich get richer running around violating hotel housekeepers stuffing their money in Swiss accounts whiles the poor.. well they become nothing more than Collateral Damage.


Einstein’s definition of Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result – has never had more relevancy that it does right now. It explains the current landscape of American politics perfectly. Those of us that choose to excercise our right to vote are pretty much forced to continue voting for individuals of questionable character and integrity hoping that “this time” things will be different. Unfortunately, a great many of today’s “leaders” suffer from a serious lack of character, discipline and integrity. It is these character flaws that seem to keep them from doing what we the people have elected them to do. It seems they are too busy posting lewd photos of themselves on twitter, eating $16 muffins and dodging constituent’s phone calls. One of the unfortunate results of our elected official’s behavior on the hill and in the halls of congress is that it is beginning to make our nation the laughing stock of the international community. Pretty soon what little international clout we currently have is going to quickly disappear and it is at that point that we are going to begin to see increased attacks on our livelihood from not just domestic threats but international ones as well. In my humble opinion, our international superiority complex has made us extremely vulnerable. Our complacency as the world’s preeminent superpower has given us the idea that this great nation of ours status in the international community is safe and sound. Unfortunately, this could not be any further from the truth. Our involvement in international conflicts that all in all don’t concern us coupled with the fact that we can’t even take care of our own domestic issues has somewhat decreased our great nation’s credibility in the international community. I mean after all, how in the world can we try to help establish democracy in a third world nation when our own elected officials can’t even agree to disagree to come to some type of solution for the good of our nation. Our infrastructure is falling apart. Unemployment is at an all time high. The list goes on and on. Yet the United States of America is supposed to be a shining beacon of freedom and is supposed to be setting the example internationally for democracy at it’s finest. As of late I would be hard pressed to say that that is actually the case. Don’t get me wrong. I love my country.  My father bled for this country.  I am a responsible citizen. I believe in the principles that the founding fathers of this nation sought to instill into the moral fiber of it. I still believe in the American Dream. I am just tired of being exploited by politicians. Sick and tired of them making the American people promises to get elected and then never following through on  those promises.  Enough is enough. It is time for some responsible leadership in Washington. It is time for those in positions of authority to be held accountable for their lack of concern for the critical issues plaguing the citizens of this great nation.

I heard a senator describe Washington, D.C. as an island just off the coast of reality. A Senator said this. Which leads one to believe that there are at least a few indviduals in Washington trying to do what is in the best interest of the American People. I don’t believe that all politicians are crooked. There truly are some that are trying to make a difference. I do honestly believe that there are some politicians that have the American people’s best interest at heart. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that they are sadly and hopelessly outnumbered. The vote - as powerful as it may be – actually has no true power if there aren’t any candidates truly worthy of it.

I remember having to say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning before my day started when I was in elementary school….

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. “

Who remembers having to recite this everyday before starting the day’s activities in school? Ok… I’m telling my age. Nonetheless, these are powerful words. If only they had a place on today’s political landscape and in today’s society in general...

One nation - Learning to appreciate one another’s differences regardless of skin color, class, ethnicity or ideals.

Under God - Well, this one ought to be simple for those of us that believe in God. Now we have crusades being waged by people trying to remove God’s image and Christian values away from everything Americana (Prayer from schools, God’s name or Christian images from municipal and federal buildings, money, etc.). Which actually puzzles me because this nation’s founding fathers sought to weave God’s presence in to the very moral fiber of it.

Indivisible with liberty and justice for all – Unfortunately, we still have quite a ways to go on this principle. However, I will say that we have come a long way in this area. Nevertheless, the journey for total equality regardless of race, creed or color is far from complete.  All you have to do is turn on the news to get a reminder of just how far we’ve come and just how far we have yet to go.

I penned an entry entitled A Letter to The Government in which I outlined a number of questions I would ask if ever afforded the opportunity to visit the Nation’s Capital and speak with our nation's leaders. After witnessing their handling of the President’s attempt to right the wrongs of the past three administrations (Yep ....  I’m including the Clinton Administration, too) my faith in our political process has been a bit shaken. Due to the  constant political posturing surrounding the passage of the Recovery and Reinvestment Act, the Health Care Reform bill A.K.A "Obamacare", the raising of the Debt Ceiling, as well as the pending battle surrounding the Jobs bill and a number of other legislation vital to correcting the crisis looming on the horizon for this nation, that list of questions and concerns has gotten considerably longer. I hope that the individuals that we have elected to represent us will understand that the American Public is tired of the petty squabbling going on on the hill.  It is my hope that the current climate of Partisan Warfare in Washington can be resolved quickly, judiciously and with the least of amount of collateral damage. 

  

Know Your Worth ©

When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves – Confucius

What are you worth? Are you a Dime or a Diamond? A Prince or a Pauper? What is your self- valuation? Do you price yourself far above market value or are you a Penny Stock? These are extremely important questions for us to ponder as we go through this life because the way you value yourself all but determines how others see you. Only those people who truly love you and have the utmost concern for your welfare will ever see more in you than you see in yourself.

For the purposes of today’s entry I wish to explore the importance of establishing a healthy sense of self-worth.  American Psychologist Wayne Dyer said it best…… Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy. Am I worthy of …….? Just fill in the blank. Whatever your answer to the question is  it is more than likely what is standing in the way of your obtaining whatever it is. Is it love, is it money, is it good health, is it respect, is it that promotion, is it that friend, is it the man or woman of your dreams, is it a new start, or is it forgiveness for a past indiscretion?  Regardless of your answer to your question, it depends solely on your sense of self- worth.  If you don’t believe that you are worthy of possessing any of these things then you won’t ever have them. It’s that simple. For you see, in my humble opinion your drive is directly connected to your sense of worth. If you don’t believe that you deserve life’s best, you won’t strive to obtain it.  Trust me, I have dwelled in the doldrums of low self-esteem and self-worth until what I frequently refer to as my Spiritual Rehabilitation occured (Check out some of my earlier entries for the details).

I personally have allowed certain things to occur in my life that were a direct result of my feelings of unworthiness. At one point in my life (a very low point I may add) I truly believed that I was unworthy of love, unworthy of life’s best …… unworthy of life. For the longest I would ask God to die. Then one day the most profound thought came to me ..... instead of asking God to die, why not ask Him for a better way to live. My faith in God provided me with the ability to discover my true worth. My issue was that I was seeking affirmation from the wrong sources. As my Bishop always says:  stop taking your problems to other people with problems, take you problems to the Answer. People can be extremely judgmental, fickle, and if suffering from an identity crisis of their own can be easily swayed by other people’s opinion of you.

Now this next bit of information I have elected to share may come as a surprise to some and a confirmation for other. Those of you that truly know me already know these things and have supported me through it all and for that and so so much more I thank Almighty God for placing you in my life (You know who you are).

I have had a life long battle with depression. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that I am even writing this entry right now. Almighty God has spared my life more times than I even dare to recall. God must truly have something special planned for my life. Something that is going to bring Him and His Kingdom honor and glory through my testimony. Nonetheless, whenever I feel like giving up or whenever I feel like quitting I am reminded of God’s goodness towards me. Death does not frighten me. I guess that’s why I at one point in my life vacillated so much between wanting to live and wishing to die. Neither death nor the fear of it holds any power over me. That being said, there are so many ways in which one can experience death. There are an endless number of variations and scenarios. There is even the ability to experience death while yet living which in my humble opinion is actually worse than a mortal death. To stave off death’s allure, I have fought long and hard to retain hope in the midst of hopelessness. I have tried to work on becoming the man God wants me to become which I must say has proven to be more challenging that I thought it would be. Then again, no one ever told me that it would be easy. Yet in spite of life’s ups and downs I have done all that I can to instill hope in others, only at times to have my intentions misinterpreted and turned against me. I have had the very people that have professed “mad love” for me turn around and mistreat me in ways my enemies never have. Betrayal by someone you love and care for to me is worse than death. As far as people’s misinterpretation of my good intentions, there’s a line in Christopher Nolan’s epic film “The Dark Knight” that says it best:

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

It is what it is…. The nature of the beast. You can’t be everything for everybody. Everybody is not going to like you. Especially if you are standing on principles that they despise or don’t necessarily agree with. The days of agreeing to disagree are all but a thing of the past. Everybody nowadays has to be “right”….. Even if they are dead wrong. Nonetheless, mortal death (physical death) is to me merely the trading of one realm of existence for another. Although the physical body in which our spirit dwells deteriorates and eventually is returned to the dust from which it came, our spirit lives forever. It is a journey that we must all make. It’s a natural part of man’s existence. You live……You die. It’s the living part I haven’t quite figured out yet.

What is my purpose? Why am I here? Who can I trust and why should I trust them? Who do I love? Why do I love them? Who genuinely loves me and why? These are only a few of the questions I ask myself as I try to find my way. I have yet to really receive a clear-cut response to these inquiries, but I’m sure that before I die they will all be answered. For you see, my faith dictates that I trust even when things around me make absolutely no sense whatsoever. My faith demands loyalty in spite of circumstance. My faith requires me to love even if that love is not fully reciprocated. You see, that’s the way that Almighty God loves me. Unequivocally and unconditionally. Now granted, God’s love for me is perfect….. Mine far from it.


But I digress...

The key to discovering one’s self -worth begins with a clear understanding what having a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem means. Self-love is about as simplistic as I can put it. You have to start within. For you cannot expect anyone on Earth to love you if you don’t truly love yourself. When you truly love yourself, people’s negative opinions of you don’t matter. When you truly love yourself, you will never allow anyone to disrespect you in any way, shape, form or fashion. When you truly love yourself, you will devote so much time to improving yourself that you will not have any time to criticize others. When you truly love yourself, you will not allow the trivial matters of this world to ever steal your joy. When you truly love yourself you will allow yourself to make mistakes understanding that it is not the end of the world as long as you “learn the lesson”. Besides nobody’s perfect…. When you truly learn to love yourself, you will become so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind becoming too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. The Optimist creed is my watchword. Now I am by no means saying that I have got it all together. I find myself vacillating between (although not as much as in the past) joy and pain. As long as we live we are going to experience our fair share of both. The key is to insure that your good days outnumber your bad days and to count your blessings and not the troubles. Always remember that somebody, somewhere on this little blue marble of ours that we call home has it far worse than you do and would love to have your life. You may not always be able to control what happens in your life but you can control how you respond to it. Your mindset or thought processes determines your response. So much of one’s self-worth is determined by their mindset and their thought processes.


The mind is a powerful tool. The proper mindset can mean the difference between an experience being enjoyable or being unbearable. The proper mindset can also mean the difference in becoming involved with something voluntarily or involuntarily. There are times when an individual who suffers from low self-esteem or a low sense of self worth will allow themselves to get pulled into situations just for the sake of pleasing someone even if it’s against their better judgment. The unfortunate thing is that the very individual or group that they call themselves trying to impress could actually care less whether or not the individual complies with what they are asking of them because they have no true concern for what is in the person's best interest. They are more than likely a predator and unfortunately the individual has become their prey. Individuals with low self-esteem and little to no idea of what they are truly worth make for easy prey and can be easily spotted. They are typically always competing to be the center of attention, they are typically always in the midst of some sort of confusion or dysfunction, they only find happiness in other people’s discomfort or misery and they almost always surround themselves with people who’s outlook on life is mostly always bleak and pessimistic. As the old saying goes, misery loves company.


Now please don’t misconstrue or misinterpret what I’m saying. Doubt creeps up on us all from time to time. There are times when uncertainty can cause one to question their ability, their place in this world and even their value. However, those of us that have faith in both their abilities and the Supreme Being that has granted us salvation understand that even though we don’t always make the right decisions or fall short of the mark (As we all have whether we choose to admit it or not), that doing so does not lower our value. As a matter of fact it actually increases it. The true measure of one’s value is not in what they own, or who they are dating, or where they work, or what they drive, the clothes on their back or even where they reside. The ultimate indicator of whether or not an individual has a healthy sense of self-worth is if they are able to remain true to themselves and to what they believe, even in the face of criticism and isolation. There are times when being true to one ’s self and one’s moral code means that they will have to travel the road less traveled … and travel it alone. However, once you discover just how much of a gift that your presence is to this world (yeah… I’m talking to you) and what your true value is (not what someone else thinks your value is or should be) you will never settle for less than what you truly deserve in this life ever again.

Anger Management ©

Discipline is based on pride, on meticulous attention to details, and on mutual respect and confidence. Discipline must be a habit so ingrained that it is stronger than the excitement of the goal or the fear of failure - Gary Ryan Blair

You’re angry.

You’re extremely upset.

 Somebody has done you wrong (or so you think).

Now what?

What happens next is extremely important. One word at the wrong time in the wrong context can mean the difference between a simple apology and dire damage control. I personally have never been good at either. That’s why I don’t stay mad at people or hold grudges long because it’s counterproductive. I seek to lead a fruitful life and detest waste. Being mean and spiteful is a wasted opportunity to show someone forgiveness and to express love one to another as the Creator has mandated us to. He also states in His Word that He wants us to lead fruitful and productive lives. Holding on to pain and anguish caused by the misdeed of another is the easiest way to stunt your “growth” and/ or could cause you to miss out on something truly special.

Now don’t get it twisted… Anger is an emotion. Wikipedia defines Anger as an automatic response to ill treatment. It is the way a person indicates he or she will not tolerate certain types of behavior. It is a feedback mechanism in which an unpleasant stimulus is met with an unpleasant response.You are a human being and you are going to experience anger on a variety of different levels. The key is to not allow the anger, the hurt, or the resentment towards whoever has wronged you or you feel has wronged you consume you. No one is saying don’t get mad…. I’m just saying verify the source of the anger and make the anger work for you. Channel it. Holding grudges and plotting revenge only empowers the person who has hurt you. Then there is the remote chance that the person you are upset with for causing you pain is not even aware of it (Which in my humble opinion is the case most of the time when it comes to male to female interactions). This is where an excellent and open line of communication is essential to maintaining a peaceful coexistance. Nobody knows what’s on your mind unless you tell them (Unless you’re Dionne Warwick, Miss Cleo or a Jedi). I’d be the first to admit that even though I myself am extremely attentive to the needs of those that are around me and especially of the ones I love and care about I get blindsided by the occasional negative reaction to something that I have done or said that was purely innocent with no malicious intent behind it.

Individuals are so emotionally fragile now. I don’t know if it’s because of the state of affairs in the world today which appears to be in a state of degradation and decay. The list of possible reasons is endless: People’s moral standard (or lack thereof), classism, sexism, racism, a departure from tried and true values that have spanned generations, the current state of resources the world over (the Trillion dollar deficit here in the US, the loom of a financial system collapse in Europe, etc), genocide in different regions around the world, the unprecedented number of natural disasters all over the world, the way individuals are raised or some variation of any of the aforementioned factors to name but only a few. Nevertheless, whatever the cause of the fragility may be, we are in my opinion (the humblest of opinions) are in a state of emergency. We have endangered the survival of the moral and virtuous citizen. I only say this because once upon a time you were rarely ever faced with having to choose between your core beliefs and the status quo in order to survive. You were free to live your life the way you wanted live it as long as your indulgences didn’t interfere with the livelihood of your neighbor or fellow man/woman. Now there is no respect of persons or property. People are no longer “staying in their lane”. Lifestyles intersect more now than they have in years because of the ease of direct access to people’s lives. Social Media, Camera and Video Phones, Reality TV shows, Bloggers, Cameras practically on every building or street corner make our lives more accessible than ever before. If you are around my age or older, our parents did not have to worry about a third of the things we as adults and those of you that are parents have to worry about these days. This ease of accessibility to our very livelihood at any given time is yet another source causing us all to be somewhat emotionally on edge.

Now I must admit that I have not always been the most mild mannered and even tempered person. I have had my share of BFFs (Big Fat Fits as my friend Shauna calls them). I have been guilty of reading more into someone’s actions that they even intended for me to. I have taken out anger directed towards someone else on someone unnecessarily. I have said things in anger that I wish I could take back.  Unfortunately once you say something it’s out there and if the words are harsh enough no manner of apology or no amount of effort can immediately deescalate the situation. It’s in those instances when time proves to be the best mediator. Emotions have had time to subside and with the sting of the words expressed not as potent, reconciliation and forgiveness is a possibility. However, forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting.  Especially if the wound is too deep. Sometimes the only thing that keeps people from being hurt in the same way again is remembering what it felt like when a person that they hold in high regard causes them discomfort or personal pain. And believe you me…. There is no violation in this world worse than a personal one. One that only you understand. One that no amount of pep talks, biblical scriptures or catch phrases will help you overcome immediately. The kind of pain that can only be healed by allowing the pain to run its course and the total forgiveness of the perpetrator. Only then can you move on and go forward with the life you were intended to live. Not one second before. Trust me… I am speaking from experience. No grudge – no matter how serious the violation – is worth you living the rest of your life in a holding pattern of anguish and frustration because of pride. Let it go. Whatever it is. Trust me… the people you’re pissed at have gone on with their lives and probably haven’t even given you a second thought since whatever has you're miffed about occurred. They aren’t wasting their time dwelling on the issue and neither should you. I said in one of my earlier entries that time - not Money - is actually the most valuable commodity an individual has in this life. Money you can earn back, but time once lost is gone forever. Forgiveness is as much for you as it is for the person being forgiven. Forgiveness allows you to move on. To recapture lost time, one of the most precious of things in this universe. Once we all truly learn that the simplest things are truly the most important ones, we will all truly maintain a better quality of life. We will learn to live in harmony with one another and we will truly learn to appreciate one another’s differences. But until then I’m content with trying to live the most productive and fruitful life that I possibly can. Hopefully by doing that, I can improve the next person’s quality of life by either directly or indirectly helping them to see that at the end of all things life is all about choices. That the Creator blessed us all with free will and the ability think for ourselves. To be rational even when there is absolutely no reason to be. I say this because to forgive someone in today’s society is considered to be abnormal in some circles. Revenge is the dish of the day and as the old saying goes it is a dish better served cold. I personally think that’s taking the easy way out. It takes more energy to hate someone than it does to love them. The problem comes in when the person that you show love to gives you nothing but hate in return. By no means are we to be emotional doormats. We are to love people “where they are” because at the end of the day, nobody’s perfect. But you are by no means to jeopardize your livelihood or the livelihood of those you love to try to make peace with someone who absolutely is dead set on going to war with you. You try to appeal to the good in them. If there is none there….. respond accordingly.

With that said, the way that we respond to an offense is dependent upon one’s level of maturity. I personally have reached a point in my life where I can no longer tolerate unnecessary strife. Causing problems for the sake of causing problems or reacting to every little thing someone does to me whether it be accidental or intentional. As you mature (and for the record, maturity is not just about how old you are)certain things become trivial. What used to set me off into the stratosphere when I was 25 doesn’t even register as a blip on my emotional radar now that I’m in my thirties. That’s because as I have gotten older, I better understand and appreciate the consequences to my actions whether they are pleasant or not. For when the dust settles I’m better , stronger and wiser from what has occurred.  Now granted this sort of awareness doesn’t come overnight. But ask yourself , where has all that rage and anger gotten you? What exactly do you hope to achieve by sowing seeds of negativity? If you’re truly honest with yourself, the answer will more than likely be nothing good or of any kind of substance.

So I implore you today to let it go. Whatever the transgression. Forgive. If it’s within your heart and within the slimmest of possibilities to do so, forget. However, some wounds run deeper than others. Only you know the severity of the damage that’s been done. Nevertheless, try. God honors effort and rewards obedience. No…. it won’t be easy. No…. the person probably won’t even realize or even appreciate what you are doing. That doesn’t even matter. You aren’t really doing it for them. You are doing it for yourself. For only by forgiving and forgetting can you hope to find true peace and absolute serenity.