Know Your Worth ©

When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves – Confucius

What are you worth? Are you a Dime or a Diamond? A Prince or a Pauper? What is your self- valuation? Do you price yourself far above market value or are you a Penny Stock? These are extremely important questions for us to ponder as we go through this life because the way you value yourself all but determines how others see you. Only those people who truly love you and have the utmost concern for your welfare will ever see more in you than you see in yourself.

For the purposes of today’s entry I wish to explore the importance of establishing a healthy sense of self-worth.  American Psychologist Wayne Dyer said it best…… Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy. Am I worthy of …….? Just fill in the blank. Whatever your answer to the question is  it is more than likely what is standing in the way of your obtaining whatever it is. Is it love, is it money, is it good health, is it respect, is it that promotion, is it that friend, is it the man or woman of your dreams, is it a new start, or is it forgiveness for a past indiscretion?  Regardless of your answer to your question, it depends solely on your sense of self- worth.  If you don’t believe that you are worthy of possessing any of these things then you won’t ever have them. It’s that simple. For you see, in my humble opinion your drive is directly connected to your sense of worth. If you don’t believe that you deserve life’s best, you won’t strive to obtain it.  Trust me, I have dwelled in the doldrums of low self-esteem and self-worth until what I frequently refer to as my Spiritual Rehabilitation occured (Check out some of my earlier entries for the details).

I personally have allowed certain things to occur in my life that were a direct result of my feelings of unworthiness. At one point in my life (a very low point I may add) I truly believed that I was unworthy of love, unworthy of life’s best …… unworthy of life. For the longest I would ask God to die. Then one day the most profound thought came to me ..... instead of asking God to die, why not ask Him for a better way to live. My faith in God provided me with the ability to discover my true worth. My issue was that I was seeking affirmation from the wrong sources. As my Bishop always says:  stop taking your problems to other people with problems, take you problems to the Answer. People can be extremely judgmental, fickle, and if suffering from an identity crisis of their own can be easily swayed by other people’s opinion of you.

Now this next bit of information I have elected to share may come as a surprise to some and a confirmation for other. Those of you that truly know me already know these things and have supported me through it all and for that and so so much more I thank Almighty God for placing you in my life (You know who you are).

I have had a life long battle with depression. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that I am even writing this entry right now. Almighty God has spared my life more times than I even dare to recall. God must truly have something special planned for my life. Something that is going to bring Him and His Kingdom honor and glory through my testimony. Nonetheless, whenever I feel like giving up or whenever I feel like quitting I am reminded of God’s goodness towards me. Death does not frighten me. I guess that’s why I at one point in my life vacillated so much between wanting to live and wishing to die. Neither death nor the fear of it holds any power over me. That being said, there are so many ways in which one can experience death. There are an endless number of variations and scenarios. There is even the ability to experience death while yet living which in my humble opinion is actually worse than a mortal death. To stave off death’s allure, I have fought long and hard to retain hope in the midst of hopelessness. I have tried to work on becoming the man God wants me to become which I must say has proven to be more challenging that I thought it would be. Then again, no one ever told me that it would be easy. Yet in spite of life’s ups and downs I have done all that I can to instill hope in others, only at times to have my intentions misinterpreted and turned against me. I have had the very people that have professed “mad love” for me turn around and mistreat me in ways my enemies never have. Betrayal by someone you love and care for to me is worse than death. As far as people’s misinterpretation of my good intentions, there’s a line in Christopher Nolan’s epic film “The Dark Knight” that says it best:

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

It is what it is…. The nature of the beast. You can’t be everything for everybody. Everybody is not going to like you. Especially if you are standing on principles that they despise or don’t necessarily agree with. The days of agreeing to disagree are all but a thing of the past. Everybody nowadays has to be “right”….. Even if they are dead wrong. Nonetheless, mortal death (physical death) is to me merely the trading of one realm of existence for another. Although the physical body in which our spirit dwells deteriorates and eventually is returned to the dust from which it came, our spirit lives forever. It is a journey that we must all make. It’s a natural part of man’s existence. You live……You die. It’s the living part I haven’t quite figured out yet.

What is my purpose? Why am I here? Who can I trust and why should I trust them? Who do I love? Why do I love them? Who genuinely loves me and why? These are only a few of the questions I ask myself as I try to find my way. I have yet to really receive a clear-cut response to these inquiries, but I’m sure that before I die they will all be answered. For you see, my faith dictates that I trust even when things around me make absolutely no sense whatsoever. My faith demands loyalty in spite of circumstance. My faith requires me to love even if that love is not fully reciprocated. You see, that’s the way that Almighty God loves me. Unequivocally and unconditionally. Now granted, God’s love for me is perfect….. Mine far from it.


But I digress...

The key to discovering one’s self -worth begins with a clear understanding what having a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem means. Self-love is about as simplistic as I can put it. You have to start within. For you cannot expect anyone on Earth to love you if you don’t truly love yourself. When you truly love yourself, people’s negative opinions of you don’t matter. When you truly love yourself, you will never allow anyone to disrespect you in any way, shape, form or fashion. When you truly love yourself, you will devote so much time to improving yourself that you will not have any time to criticize others. When you truly love yourself, you will not allow the trivial matters of this world to ever steal your joy. When you truly love yourself you will allow yourself to make mistakes understanding that it is not the end of the world as long as you “learn the lesson”. Besides nobody’s perfect…. When you truly learn to love yourself, you will become so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind becoming too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. The Optimist creed is my watchword. Now I am by no means saying that I have got it all together. I find myself vacillating between (although not as much as in the past) joy and pain. As long as we live we are going to experience our fair share of both. The key is to insure that your good days outnumber your bad days and to count your blessings and not the troubles. Always remember that somebody, somewhere on this little blue marble of ours that we call home has it far worse than you do and would love to have your life. You may not always be able to control what happens in your life but you can control how you respond to it. Your mindset or thought processes determines your response. So much of one’s self-worth is determined by their mindset and their thought processes.


The mind is a powerful tool. The proper mindset can mean the difference between an experience being enjoyable or being unbearable. The proper mindset can also mean the difference in becoming involved with something voluntarily or involuntarily. There are times when an individual who suffers from low self-esteem or a low sense of self worth will allow themselves to get pulled into situations just for the sake of pleasing someone even if it’s against their better judgment. The unfortunate thing is that the very individual or group that they call themselves trying to impress could actually care less whether or not the individual complies with what they are asking of them because they have no true concern for what is in the person's best interest. They are more than likely a predator and unfortunately the individual has become their prey. Individuals with low self-esteem and little to no idea of what they are truly worth make for easy prey and can be easily spotted. They are typically always competing to be the center of attention, they are typically always in the midst of some sort of confusion or dysfunction, they only find happiness in other people’s discomfort or misery and they almost always surround themselves with people who’s outlook on life is mostly always bleak and pessimistic. As the old saying goes, misery loves company.


Now please don’t misconstrue or misinterpret what I’m saying. Doubt creeps up on us all from time to time. There are times when uncertainty can cause one to question their ability, their place in this world and even their value. However, those of us that have faith in both their abilities and the Supreme Being that has granted us salvation understand that even though we don’t always make the right decisions or fall short of the mark (As we all have whether we choose to admit it or not), that doing so does not lower our value. As a matter of fact it actually increases it. The true measure of one’s value is not in what they own, or who they are dating, or where they work, or what they drive, the clothes on their back or even where they reside. The ultimate indicator of whether or not an individual has a healthy sense of self-worth is if they are able to remain true to themselves and to what they believe, even in the face of criticism and isolation. There are times when being true to one ’s self and one’s moral code means that they will have to travel the road less traveled … and travel it alone. However, once you discover just how much of a gift that your presence is to this world (yeah… I’m talking to you) and what your true value is (not what someone else thinks your value is or should be) you will never settle for less than what you truly deserve in this life ever again.