Distraction Avoidance ©

That's been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex. You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple; but it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains - Steve Jobs

A lack of discipline and focus can be a dangerous thing. Failing to remain focused can result in one ending up exactly where they never intended to be. Paying little to no attention to detail can and most often will result in a very embarrassing situation which can sometimes have irreparable consequences. Funny thing is that we sometimes never pay attention to detail or exercise discipline until we are forced to. The money gets funny and the change gets strange, the excessive drinking results in a DUI, the “jump off” wrecks the happy home, you wake up the next morning wishing the night before had never occurred. The list of scenarios is virtually endless. I myself have had to have occasional “reminders” that I was doing waaaayyyy too much. We sometimes put ourselves in precarious situations unnecessarily by not exercising restraint or just not using plain good ole’ common sense. Now granted, we can’t always control what happens to us. Life unfortunately happens and she doesn’t ask your permission to occasionally allow the bottom to drop out of everything you have worked so hard to obtain or accomplish. She’s just rude like that. However, a lot of times we can avoid a lot of the misfortune that happens to us by insuring that we are focused on what is actually good for us and for our quality of life. Unfortunately, a great many of us (I count myself amongst this group) allow distractions to derail our efforts at leading a peaceful and fruitful life from time to time.


Now I will be the first to admit that I have not always been as attentive as I should have been to detail or have been the most disciplined individual. I have made my share of bonehead decisions and have paid the price for my occasional lack of focus each and every single time. The fortunate thing for me was having a father that was ex-military which did not allow a lot of room for undisciplined behavior. The lessons I learned early in life because of my father’s regimen and daily dose of tough love and instruction kept and to this day keeps me grounded and out of situations that while extremely appealing and enticing on the surface contain hazardous material inside. Don’t believe me? Think about the last time you saw someone who could have at the time been the most beautiful person you have ever seen in your life. If you were able to have a conversation with this person or were allowed to get a peek into what made them tick…what did you discover about the person? Did the contents match the packaging? Were the contents safe to handle or prove to be hazardous to your health? I have been fortunate enough to meet and befriend some very beautiful people whose packaging most definitely properly represented the contents within. Then I have also had the misfortune of meeting some people who while they were beautiful and extremely “easy on the eyes”, the content of their character diminished their beauty. I call that the old “Bait and Switch". The person could be fine as all get out but have a horrible attitude or carry themselves in a manner that just robs them of any true appeal. Now with that being said I need to clarify a few things. I am not an expert on all things beautiful. Nevertheless, life has taught me that beauty is a matter of one’s perspective. So when I say the most beautiful person in the world, what you may or may not think is beautiful depends solely on where you are mentally. Some people are extremely superficial. Some people’s only idea of beauty is what their eyes show them. This lot seems to be the crew that finds themselves so easily distracted by “pretty” things and trust me…. Chasing pretty things can sometimes lead you in a direction you never intended to go. 


Now don’t get it twisted, I love gazing upon beautiful items, people, places and things. There is nothing wrong with a little “Eye Candy” every now and then. Nevertheless, I try not to be superficial. I try to see more than what’s on the surface. I try to not get caught up on appearances and try to understand what’s underneath. I am a total package type of chap.  Depth and substance are more of a factor in what I label as truly beautiful. However, that has come with maturity. I haven’t always cared about your conversation when I was weighing out whether or not to ask for them digits or get you to the crib. Once upon a time my motives were a little less let us say…. complex. BBD didn’t drop “Poison” because dudes were getting hemmed up because of a female’s conversation. I’m just saying. (I’m dating myself … I know. I’ve been around for a second what can I say!)  Nonetheless, as I have gotten older and have had my share of relationships (some good…some not so good) I began to realize that the content of one’s character is where the true beauty of an individual lies. I’ll take a cute, grounded, educated woman over a drop dead gorgeous but shallow and superficial woman any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Simply because the latter would not appreciate the “little things” that life has to offer. She would be too concerned with keeping up appearances and what others thought about her and her life choices. Not to mention that typically shallow and superficial people are extremely self-centered. Most of the time all that they care about is what’s important to them while giving little to no regard to what’s important to their loved ones or those that care about them.

But I digress…

 The world is full of distractions. Some I have already mentioned. Some I have chosen not to mention. Simply because what proves as a distraction for some may not garner any attention or even register a glance from others. The important thing is to remain grounded and focused on exactly what it is you have been placed on this Earth to do. Now if you haven’t figured that out yet, then I suggest you do so. Quickly. Mainly because in order to even lead a fulfilled and fruitful life, one has to have a sense of purpose surrounding it. Those individuals that coast through life without any direction or purpose find life’s distractions extremely disheartening which at times leads them into self destructive behavior. Excessive drinking and drug use, unhealthy sexual encounters, irresponsible financial and fiscal decisions, child neglect, irrational and impulsive decision making, etc, etc. Now I’m not a psychologist or even the best judge of character. But I am extremely observant. I study people. I study people simply because if you look at a person and their actions long enough, they will tell you everything you need to know about them and their intentions. The trick is to believe what they are telling you and showing you albeit verbally or nonverbally. Maya Angelou said it best:

“The first time somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”

When you allow distractions to prevent you from listening to that inner voice telling you that a situation or an individual is not healthy for you or allow distractions to force you to ignore that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach, you may be possibly setting yourself up for some major disappointment. Trust me, I know about that all too well. But it’s my own fault really. I have a tendency to want more for people than they want for themselves. I tend to expect the best from people regularly because I always try to give people the best of me. I tend to care about the welfare of others sometimes to the detriment of my own. I used to give individuals the benefit of the doubt in situations where they should have been given something a little bit more …. Tangible (Like a severe tongue lashing, an overhand right, a stiff backhand or a roundhouse kick to the dome). Nevertheless, when you reach a certain level of maturity you begin to understand that people’s lack of compassion, attentiveness, attention to detail, and contentment with mediocrity and complacency comes from something within them and most of the time it’s related to unresolved personal issues. People who lack discipline and that are easily distracted lack direction and focus. It’s not entirely their fault though. It probably started when they were young. No one took a real interest in the things that they took interest in. No one was there to support them when they finally decided try something that gave them purpose causing them to lose the drive to pursue it. No one affirmed them to let them know that it’s ok to fail. That failing does not make you a bad person but quitting after you have failed without any sort of effort does. People that don’t believe in themselves or their own abilities most of the time never had anybody to believe in them. Some people find it hard to love someone – truly love someone - simply because they just don’t love themselves. This too comes from a lack of affirmation and emotional abandonment at some point in their life.The unfortunate thing is that all of these scenarios contribute to a lot of the ills that plague society today. Had that mother or father just spent a little time teaching their son how to respect and appreciate women, he probably wouldn’t be out there beating the brakes off of his “Boo thang”, his girlfriend or his wife. Had that father or mother just spent a little time talking with their daughter about how a man should treat a lady (notice I said lady), she would not allow men to disrespect her and misuse her because she would have a healthy sense of self and moderate amount of self respect. In my humble opinion, if parents would just spend more time affirming their children and not allowing the distractions of this world (Cars, clothes, jobs, money, Facebook statuses, mistresses or this evening’s TV line up) to interfere with taking care of what’s truly important, the world would be a much better place. See parents really take for granted that they have the ability to change the world. Don’t worry about your neighbor’s kids, and what the next family is doing or not doing to raise a fine and upstanding man or woman. Handle your business at home. Now by all means don’t just stand by and allow your neighbor to mistreat their child (and by mistreat I do not mean an occasional ass whooping). Just simply refocus your energy on what you have been blessed with. Because at the end of all things regardless of how or under what circumstances your child was conceived, they are truly a blessing from God. It’s not their fault that you made some questionable life decisions and decided to sleep with the wrong dude or female…possibly multiple times. They didn’t ask to be here. So it’s not fair to the child to take the guilt for your bogus decision making out on them. So you got distracted….. The body was bangin’. His swag was ridiculous. Her walk was mesmerizing. The convo was like none you ever had before in your life. The sex was amazing. The condom broke or you decided not to make him wear one “just this one time”. She said she was on the pill. However the ish went down….. if what came afterwards resulted in the birth of a child, none of the aforementioned scenarios should even matter. They are here now and they deserve nothing less than your best. So stop letting life's distractions prevent you from being present in your child’s life. Stop making excuses about why and how you can’t be a part of your child’s life. So your father was never there. So your mother was unsupportive. So you never had anyone to love you or support you when you were young. Once your child was born you were afforded the wonderful opportunity to give your child what you never had. So Man up or stop whining about how bad you had it growing up. While it is sad that your childhood was not the best or ideal one, your kids don’t have to suffer for or because of it. Focus all of your energy on your child and making sure that they have everything they could possibly ever need and not just from a financial standpoint. I honestly believe that If I were to take a straw poll of people whose parents were only in their life from a financial standpoint, I’m pretty sure that they valued the time their parents actually physically spent with them over that $25 in child support they were mandated by the state to drop off every two weeks.

I don’t know who that was for … but I promise you that was meant especially for you from the Most High. Annnnd you’re welcome.

As the eternal optimist and consummate contextualist that I am, I implore you to not let life's sometimes overwhelming circumstances control your life. When we allow distractions to dictate our behavior we do ourselves and those around us a great disservice.  I know there are those of you out there that may be saying “what makes you an expert on staying focused and overcoming distractions?” My answer to that is that I’m not one. But I have reaped my share of unpleasant consequences based on a lack of attentiveness and a momentary lack of discipline. I have just been blessed that the damage was minimal and easily correctable. I am not the poster child for disciplined living. I have my vices (and if you think I’m sharing them in this entry you’re nuts…. we’re cool but we’re not THAT cool) and occasionally temptation gets the best of me. Such is life. But the key is that I have a disciplinary breakdown threshold. Simply put, I’m only gonna go so far and no amount of peer pressure or external stimuli is gonna make me cross it.

So I urge you to establish your disciplinary breakdown threshold today. Otherwise, you may actually find yourself sidetracked, always easily distracted and headed down the road to nowhere. You can most definitely trust me on that one. Being the road warrior that I am….. I have made that trip a few times and I am here to tell you that that is one long, exhausting and unpleasant road trip.