Obligations.
People all but too easily abuse people’s unspoken obligations. A person’s title does not automatically obligate a person to do what they are being asked to do.
People all but too easily abuse people’s unspoken obligations. A person’s title does not automatically obligate a person to do what they are being asked to do.
For example, just because you are someone’s parent does not mean that your children are obligated to do what you tell them to do. Once children reach adulthood they - in my opinion - are no longer obligated to do what their parents tell them to do. However, unless your parents are abusive and neglectful or you are no longer living under your parent’s roof you do have the responsibility of doing what your parents tell you to do primarily because of the tender loving care that they have shown you. Nonetheless, even those individuals still living with their parents (whatever the reason may be) are allotted some leeway because once you become an adult you have the right to do what’s in your best interest. Nevertheless, I believe that as long as you live under someone else’s roof your liberties and freedoms are severely limited.
Here’s another example of one’s title not necessarily obligating someone to doing what is asked of them. Just because I am your employee does not mean that I have to do things exactly the way you ask me to do them. An employer’s fair and equal treatment motivates employees to go above and beyond what their superiors ask of them. However, productivity is a by product of leadership. Too many employers in today’s workplace exhibit a serious lack of professionalism and have an unspoken “do as I say and not as I do” policy which in turn leads to a hostile work environment, diminished productivity and extremely low workplace morale. This mainly comes from employer’s holding employees to honoring obligations without offering any type of incentives that are of any true benefit.
Still another example. One that I think many individuals may possibly relate to. Just because you tell someone that you love them does not mean that they have to love you back. However, I am obligated to reciprocate when your actions line up with what you say. I say again, obligations are not mandatory. Now granted, we are supposed to keep our word, do what we say we are going to do and fulfill our promises, but not at the expense of our sanity or standard of living. It’s ok to help people monetarily but not at the expense of our financial obligations. We can offer emotional support and encouragement but not at the expenses of our peace of mind. I honestly believe that we are obligated to offer assistance to anyone at any level but not at the expense of what is valuable to us or to our detriment. Nevertheless, the thing to remember is that anyone that truly cares about your well being or has your best interest at heart will never ask you to do anything that they know will cause you discomfort unless it is actually for you own good. I personally have had to sacrifice and go without on several occasions simply because I did not want to inconvenience the ones that I love by asking them to provide assistance that I knew that they were not able to provide.
A word to the parents whether your children are young or are grown, have moved on and/or have created families of their own. Please understand that your children are only obligated to do what you ask them to do as long as they live under your roof. Once they become adults and become self sufficient, anything that you ask of them going forward is a request not a mandatory obligation. That is why it is so important that you give children what they truly need…….. Devotion. If you notice I did not say Love, food, shelter, clothing, and things of that nature simply because that is what you are basically supposed to provide to your children until they are old enough to obtain these things for themselves. However, providing your children with Devotion is essential. Devotion towards your children will insure that when it is their turn to take care of you that you will not suffer neglect.
Dictionary.com defines Devotion as earnest attachment to a cause or person and profound dedication and consecration. Establishing an earnest attachment to anything in my opinion requires two things: Communication and Motivation. Communication mainly because a) it is the life blood of any relationship and b) I personally don’t know any mind readers. Motivation simply because action is more desire and strength of character than performing the act itself. This is definitely the case when it comes to showing someone or something true devotion .On the other hand, I can want to show devotion to someone all day long but unless I am properly motivated I am not able to maintain true devotion for that individual. Case in point, the wife or husband that after years of marriage say that they love their significant other but are no longer “in love” with them. Motivation is prompted by a variety of things but as it applies to true devotion it is only prompted by one………. Honesty.
Now if you are anything like me then you understand the importance of honoring your obligations and keeping your word. Nevertheless, the time will come when you are just incapable of honoring your obligation. When an instance such as this arises all you are required to do is be honest and notify the recipient of your pledge. Preferably well in advance of the agreed upon deadline. Experience has taught me that it is better to be proactive than reactive. Damage control is never pleasant.
In this writer’s honest opinion, I believe that people today do not understand what true devotion is all about. So I feel that it is my responsibility, my obligation to provide a little enlightenment on what it means to express true devotion.
Note: Your definition may differ from mine and that is perfectly fine. If you are a free thinking individual that does not let the world around them determine their perspective then you do not let external factors determine who you are or what you believe.
This writer humbly believes that true devotion comes from:
Recognizing what a loved one needs and providing that need (if humanly possible or spiritually feasible) unconditionally. Recognizing a need and earnestly working toward providing what is needed unconditionally. Showing loyalty unconditionally even when conditions are not favorable. True devotion is measured when allegiances are tested. It is during these times when you actually find out who truly loves you and who your real friends are.
This passage is truly devoted to those individuals who are battling with whether or not to continue honoring certain obligations. There comes a time during any relationship where you have to take a step back and look at a situation for what it truly is. Is it an obligation of convenience? Is it an obligation born of oppression? It is an obligation born of guilt about some past transgression? Are you - as a beloved friend mine says – in a constant state of victimdom (For the uninitiated - this means that you are always looking for pity or sympathy) forcing individuals into obligations simply because you don’t have the courage to stand on you own and accept responsibility for your actions?
If you answered yes to any of these questions you may want to revisit why you are honoring certain obligations. Family can sometimes be the number one violators of what I call “Obligation abuse”. They take for granted that loved ones “have” to honor their obligations merely because of blood ties. This is simply not the case. Taking loved one’s affection and devotion for granted can lead to resentment from the individual offended. Nonetheless, when it is all said and done it is not the act that we want appreciated but it is the effort behind the act. Honoring obligations is more than lip service and gaining bragging rights. We are to honor our obligations simply because it is the right thing to do. If people focused more one keeping their word and doing what it is they say they will do, this world would be a much better place in which to live. Like I always say….. It is not what you do but it is who you are that is most important.
