I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. – Psalms 28:13-14
Life can sometimes beat someone down so bad that the person feels like the only way for them to survive is to lash out at the world. I know. I was one of those people. Misery definitely loves company. The more the merrier. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is self destructive because it eventually consumes the soul. You lose sight of who you are and the purpose that you were born to fulfill because you become so obsessed with retribution.
Believe me I know..... it took me witnessing one of my closest friends nearly lose their life because of it. That was evidence enough for me that this was not the way I was going to continue living my life. Now don’t get me wrong ….. not all change is comfortable. In all actuality change never is. Nevertheless, almost everything that is worth anything has to be obtained through some type of sacrifice. Whether that be leaving that comfort zone behind (What ever that represents for you), leaving certain social circles, or standing on true principles and morals even when that is contrary to the Status Quo.
As for me, my enlightenment came through introspection.
I discovered for better or for worse I am my father’s child. I share many of his attributes (Much to my mother’s dismay….lol) and the beautiful thing is that I am good with that….
Here’s why:
I am a fairly good writer (My father was a phenomenal writer).
I am a Messenger of God (My father was a Minister)
I am an adventurer (My father was a trailblazer in many respects)
I am a grinder (My father’s work ethic was extraordinary)
I am clothes horse (My dad was one of the cleanest brothers I have ever known)
I am a life coach ( My father was a teacher)
But of all of the many things that my father and I had in common, there are so many things that we differ on. For example:
I am an observer (My father was impulsive)
I am extremely selective in who I am intimate with (My father absolutely did not discriminate)
I am a nurturer (My father had issues maintaining relationships)
But for all of our similarities and differences we first and foremost had this one thing in common:
We’re King’s Kids. Servants of the Most High God who is truly worthy to be praised. Connected to the True Vine.
I said all of that to say this…
We all have a Pedigree. Now whether or not you claim it is on you. Your Pedigree can give you insight into who you are but it does not have to be the ultimate determinant of who we are or what we become. I have found that far too many people live lives that have been determined by what they saw or experienced early on in their lives. Trust and believe I can truly relate (I’ll go into that in a little more detail later). Dictionary.com defines the word Pedigree as follows:
An ancestral line; line of descent; lineage; ancestry.
So many people get lost in the shadows of their past. Reputations of one’s ancestors can be an “Albatross” around the neck of the descendant whether said reputation was a good one or a bad one. If it was a good reputation the expectations to follow suit are tremendous and can sometimes be overwhelming. While on the other hand if the reputation was a bad one, then most of the time the descendant is always “Guilty until proven innocent”. Unfortunately, this is the way of the world. It’s so much easier to prejudge an individual as opposed to evaluating them on their actual actions or merit. It’s not until an individual decides that they are going to stake their own claim in the world and declare what I refer to as “Ancestral independence”, they will forever be doomed live in the shadow of their past. Your past does not have to determine your future. Using the past to justify current dysfunctional behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Mainly because most of the time the people you hurt or inconvenience with your dysfunctional behavior don’t deserve the mistreatment. Here’s what I mean:
The Woman that was abused as a child albeit mentally, sexually, etc. distrusts ALL men.
The Man that saw his father beat the brakes off of his mother, abuses women.
The “Good” Brother that is “done wrong” by the woman he loves becomes dogmatic.
The “Good” sister that trusts the wrong man and gets hurt and labels all men “dogs”
The White Man who grew up in a racist household uses the “N” word to describe blacks.
The Black Man who watched his parents get sprayed with hoses distrusts all Whites.
The Boss that was picked on as a child, torments those in his/her charge.
The Millionaire that had no friends growing up tries to buy friendship and Love.
And the list goes on and on…….
But I am here declaring that today you don’t have to continue letting your past dictate your future. It is never too late for a new start. Trust me I know. For as long as you continue living dysfunctionally you will never experience true happiness.
I said I would elaborate a little on exactly what I meant by letting the events of your life early on determine how you live in the present. MY Life actually started for me at 30. I say that because every year of my life prior to age 30 was lived trying to please everyone. My Parents, My friends, my lovers, my employers, hell even people I barely even knew. Now you may be saying to yourself…… “What in the hell?” Well for me I suffered from very low self esteem because I was never truly affirmed as a child. My parents never supported anything that I did and only paid attention to me when I was doing something that THEY felt was “worthwhile”. Case in point, at an early age close to the end of my parent’s marriage I was blessed with the opportunity to present an Award to Shirley Chisholm at the NAACP Freedom Fund Banquet. My mother refused to come because of my Father’s involvement with the coordinating of events at the banquet. That devastated me. There are other examples. Both parents were violators and it took its toll early in life (I was an introvert, I never felt like what I did was ever good enough for anyone and a whole list of insecurities sprang up).
Nevertheless, I did not let that stop me from wanting better for myself. One day I decided that it was time for a new start. Yes, it meant disassociating myself from certain groups (As I stated earlier misery loves company), Learning what it meant to truly love myself in spite of what the world may think about you or how the world sees you. We live in a world obsessed with labels. A very dear friend of mine once told me that if you let a person define your world they would always make it too small. Everybody is quick to label you something or put you in a box. I tell all of my friends that there isn’t a box in this universe big enough to put me in.
So the next time you find yourself beating up on yourself for something that happened in your past remember that it is just that….your past. You have the chance to start a new life. No, it is probably not gonna look the way you think that it should in the beginning because a new situation and a new beginning should not resemble the situation you are trying to move away from or change. Otherwise it’s just more of the same ole’ same ole’. The key is to not let the naysayers discourage you. Of course they are gonna hate on you because you want better for yourself. Of course they are gonna tell you every possible reason as to why you should avoid the prospect of a new way of life like the plague. Then it will be one less member of their pity party. Press on. Be of good courage knowing that you indeed have every right to live the life you have always dreamed about. The only thing stopping you……. Is you.
Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God. – Romans 12:2
